Mother with Heart

Nurture

2011-05-22T19:27:00.004+10:00

There has been a lot of sickness - colds, flu and whooping cough - going around these hills of late, which I guess is normal for this transitional time of year. I was only reflecting a couple of days ago how Forest and I were seemingly unaffected by all the sneezing and coughing we are surrounded by, but this morning we woke up to find that it is our turn!

But despite a razor blade throat, fever, and a slightly grumpy and sniffly toddler, it has been a rather wonderful day of nurture. I have never been very good at doing this for myself during illness. But today was different. Perhaps I am more motivated than ever to care for my own health because I truly have no back-up here to help with my son if things go wrong (my family are all in England, and although Forest's father is still involved in his life he is no longer very available for any extras). I am scared to go back to the state of exhaustion that I suffered from a couple of months ago.

So today I have completely surrendered to the nurture of self and babe. We got up, wrapped up warm and ate a hearty breakfast of lacto-fermented porridge. After accomplishing all the necessary daily tasks we stayed inside with the rain pouring down on the windows, snuggled in bed together, looking through picture books, sipping warm lemon and honey tea and napping. I let go of any worry about what I should be accomplishing - and really - it was like a holiday!

Fortunately I had leftover dahl and vegetable subji from yesterday to reheat and nourish us. We grazed on the new season mandarins and hot buttered toast. This evening I cooked up a big pot of potato and leek soup, that will see us through a couple more sick days if we need it. I have dosed myself up on vitamin C and echinacea, but still don't feel completely confident to give it direct to Forest. I guess he'll get some in the breast milk. He is sleeping restfully for now, and I plan on an early night.

Orange....

2011-05-21T11:18:00.004+10:00

Last night I was fortunate to be part of an inspiring womens circle, based on the 13 Original Clan Mothers of Native American Tradition. We will follow them for 13 moons - each one teaching us a different aspect of the feminine.

The first Clan Mother - 'Talks with Relations' teaches of the interconnectedness of all things - creatures, trees, rocks, elements, stars, planets, cosmos, universe..... One of the teachings is to use the colour orange whenever it appears to us in nature, to remind us of this union with all that is. Autumn is certainly a great season to be bombarded with reminders! Our chestnut trees are a brilliant and splendid flame orange, and are a constant viewpoint for me from all of the front windows and decking. I love the weaving in of simply enjoying them for their beauty while at the same time being reminded of life's flowing, merging, intertwining energies.

Many bright orange fungi have begun to crop up around the house in the last two days. Since I began this blog I have had my eyes open much wider to the natural world, but I hope that these teachings will open them up even wider to the hidden secrets and lessons that she holds in her cycles, rhythms, colours, and creatures.

Autumn's end

2011-05-16T11:21:00.005+10:00

The sky is overcast and grey, the cockatoos squawk and land high in the gums, and little Forest stands on the coffee table and gazes out of the window that looks out over these towering trees that border the creek, and watches the antics of life that are happening outside of our cosy woodland home.

The chestnut trees are the last of the deciduous trees to cling to their leaves, and are now a brilliant yellow - some of them finally descending to nourish Mother Earth beneath. Fungi now begin to spring up in every nook and surface around the house. Bright yellows, reds and the more dull but exquisitely formed caps of browns and creams.

This season resonates with me so much. While others are complaining about the early frost, rain and cold, I am loving it all! Mittens, boots and hats are being happily adorned. My toddler boy is dressed in all his lovely hand-knit woolens. Our wood-fire is roaring to warm both our bodies and souls.

Although we still try to spend at least a little time outside every day, the snug of home is where it's at for us right now. We have been sorting and organising and making our home look pleasing and welcoming. We have spent much time in the kitchen creating warming soups and stews. Afternoon tea is becoming a time for some nourishing but delicious treat to greet us after time spent outside in the cold collecting wood or nuts. This week I made rice pudding and Forest gave it the thumbs up with repeated exclamations of 'yummy'! Today I will try my hand at the baked custard recipe in 'Nourishing Traditions'. I am still very much absorbed in the ideas from this book. So much so that I have taken the plunge by eating fish after a lifetime of vegetarianism. This has been a big decision, not taken lightly, that I don't want to go into now, but after much agonising over it (to the point of becoming neurotic!) I have come to a place of peace with the idea of eating meat. My health has been suffering recently and I feel that changing my diet is a very important part of where I need to go to journey back towards robust health.

I made the raw milk cream cheese out of the book. Mainly I did this to get the whey so that I would begin to lacto-ferment. On its own the cheese was very bland, but it did improve in flavour as it aged, and mixed with other things was quite nice. I used the whey to make fermented ketchup - but I have to be honest and say that it tasted awful! Not to be deterred, I plan to try again, but this time play around with ingredients to get a better flavour.

Aside from kitchen tasks, I am enjoying getting stuck into my knitting projects. I am a very slow beginner knitter so no long list of accomplishments to mention in this space, but Forest is getting a nice pair of mittens that are nearly complete, and I have started on the sheep family from 'The Knitted Farmyard'.

I have been off the computer for the last month trying to put all of my energies into recovering from exhaustion. I am pleased to report that things are so much better around here! My health has improved and Forest is sleeping quite well now. It has been a very hard time for us but the dawning of serenity and joy are slowly creeping back into our lives. Part of this process has been to come to terms with the hard facts of being a single mother, and finding a way to communicate and parent with Forest's father. I had hoped for Forest's sake that our lives could be somewhat blended, but this has actually caused more tension in his life as his mama is repeatedly upset by the interactions. So tomorrow I will drop him off to spend a day with his dad. I know he'll be fine - he is not particularly clingy to me, but I feel so sad about it. This separate life that he will have away from me at such a young age. But this is just how it is and I must make the best of it. Try to enjoy some time for myself and work on projects that are hard to do when F is around.

And so as the nights become longer and we move toward the winter solstice, I praise this beautiful cycle of nature of which we are a part. Forest and I are enjoying our candle light dinners, after which we open the curtain and star gaze when the sky is clear. After his bath we look out at sister moon from our bedroom window shining brightly in the frosty sky, before snuggling into bed for lullabies and slumber. Life is good at the end of this Autumn season...

The little things...

2011-04-17T19:16:00.006+10:00

We are going through a few hardships around here at the moment, but still there is so much that brings me joy, and carries me through this difficult time.

The little things I am enjoying right now:

The leaves that have begun to change colour in the last week. As we walk and drive around the hills we are surrounded by oranges, yellows,and reds - and these brilliant colours ignite my feelings of reverence for our beautiful world.

This little beetle who is beginning to really talk now! His favourite word is spider, and as we live in a very spidery house he has ample opportunity to show it off, and can often be seen pointing upwards and exclaiming 'Pider' with great delight. Apparently we also have a sheep living in the corner of the bedroom above the bed. Forest often points out this mystery sheep and baas at it. What is it that he can see up there I wonder? And I would like to add that I am even enjoying his new-found and much-used 'No'! He says it so softly and sweetly and there is very little defiant follow-through with his actions, but there surely are a lot of 'No's coming my way suddenly. I know that this is an important part of his growing up - to understand that he has the individual right to refuse and so I am trying to see it in a positive light.

I am so grateful for this community that we are blessed to live among. Yesterday,one of the local towns hosted its first ever festival. Forest's godparents were involved in the running of this beautiful event and so we spent the afternoon outside in the autumn sunlight, surrounded by much treasured friends, listening to the sweet sounds of local folk artists, sipping hot chai and wishing that days like this would never end.

My dear old cat Mowgli and I have been finding time to snuggle a little more often recently. I love how his winter coat is coming in thick and lush to keep him warm. Even better is when Forest is also in on the cuddle. Often he is a little too - erm - vigorous in his affection for Mowgli though (known as Mow-Mow to the little toddler boy).

Afternoons spent in the park have been high on our to-do list recently. I hope that there will be a time when our life becomes more home-based. But on the property where we live there are just so many hazards that it is hard to let Forest run free outdoors for the amount of time I feel he needs. We have a couple of parks nearby that are surrounded by forest and are just perfect for letting some of that toddler energy burn. It feels so right to be out in the elements - rain, hail or shine - watching F discover all the new and wonderful things that nature shares. We take our afternoon tea with us - and it just tastes better than ever eaten in the fresh air after exercise.

Finally - I am enjoying the cosy, dark evenings spent by the fire after Forest is sleeping peacefully upstairs. Although I do have a daily yoga practice that I fit in here and there with my mothering and household work, a couple of evenings a week I am now turning down the lights, lighting candles, and having the luxury of an hour long yoga practice all to myself. Body, breath, mind rejuvenate, calm and centre themselves after this much needed bit of self nurture.

this moment

2011-04-15T18:32:00.004+10:00

A friday ritual inspired by Soulemama

A moment in time captured from our week, few words:

Autumn boy

Yarn Along

2011-04-13T19:34:00.005+10:00

I have been out of action on the blog for a while, but this week have decided to join in the Wednesday 'Yarn Along' with Ginny from Small Things

As very much a beginner knitter, I was very pleased to finally finish a slightly more challenging project of these toddler longies. I enjoyed making them so much......but, the toddler in question does not like them at all and cries when I put them on!! To be fair to him, they are on the tight side and he doesn't like the wool pressed against his bare legs. I knitted the size for a two year old, and he is a smallish 21 month old so I'm not sure what's gone wrong. Anyway, I'll now pack them away in the hope that another little person may one day come along into my life and wear them.

I have been reading Easter in Autumn by Collette Leenman to find ways to work this traditional Spring festival into our own season of Autumn. It is a lovely book and very helpful.

Nourishing Traditions has been by my side for the last two weeks - I am stunned by this book! It has arrived into my hands at just the right time as I have some diet related health issues that I am dealing with. This book makes so much sense to me - even as a vegetarian. I am shocked that it has convinced me of the rightness to including meat in the diet. But after looking into the availability of humanely raised and slaughtered meat I have to say that I am going to try all the other tips first. Because in Australia there basically is no humanely raised and slaughtered meat, so unless I grow my own or become a hunter I just can't support that industry. My plan it to try the fermented foods and start to utilise the wonderful raw milk we are now getting weekly. I am also going to eat more good quality eggs, and then see how my health is after a few months on this diet. I had never considered myself to eat much refined foods, but this book has me convinced to abandon them as much as I possibly can.

this moment

2011-03-25T19:54:00.002+11:00

A friday ritual inspired by Soulemama

A moment in time captured from our week, few words:

Pumpkin soup anyone?

Autumn food news

2011-03-24T19:44:00.004+11:00

So the chestnuts are going to feature here a lot over the coming weeks, because we have chestnuts overflowing around us waiting in collecting baskets, on tables, in paper bags in the fridge, Forest's various piles of play chestnuts - and the tree is still spitting out nuts much faster than I can harvest them! The birds are enjoying a feast. We have been watching the cockatoos and rosellas gorge themselves silly. Well - there is plenty for all of us that's for sure!

Today I attempted to make a chestnut soup. I don't recommend doing this with a whiny toddler only one hour before dinner is due. I forgot how involved the whole chestnut thing is. The scoring of the shells, the cooking, the nasty tricky peeling. Yes - I did struggle. You definitely need to set aside a whole afternoon to make a big batch of this soup. I will call this my 'blood, sweat and tears' soup, because all three of these things were part of today's cooking process! But - was it worth it? Yes, a hundred times over - the chestnut soup was incredible! So tasty and sweet, an unusual, subtle flavour with the silky texture of pureed chestnuts. It really was a special treat.

Forest enjoying the blood, sweat, and tears soup!

And my latest happy find is a place to buy raw milk. I have been searching for some time having become convinced of the benefits. However, it is all a bit hush-hush as it is illegal here in Australia to drink unpasteurised milk!! Most milk in Australia has also been homogenised which is super bad for you. It is possible to find some organic milk that has not been homogenised, and I have been drinking this for some years. But now we have access to good, fresh, natural milk, straight from local organic cows. I am so happy about this. The taste of the milk is delicious - it is like drinking velvet! Forest and I go each week to the farm, drop off our glass milk bottle for the following week and collect our weeks supply. The farm also sells its own organic produce so we are also getting our fruit and veggies there.

Today we made our pick up and have just enough for breakfasts for the week ahead. I plan to buy a lot more each week but am struggling to find non-toxic bottles to store our milk in. Of course glass is best, and now I am using recycled juice jars - but the lids are the BPA lined type. I cannot find any glass bottles without this - sigh.... It constantly bewilders me how crazy the world has become in this regard. The milk is very reasonably priced, and so I am hoping to get enough each week to make yoghurt and perhaps even cheese. Thank you sweet cows!

Welcome Autumn

2011-03-22T19:16:00.005+11:00

Forest is relaxed, happy and sleeping pretty well again. But I cannot seem to recover from this latest six week bout of sleep deprivation. I think it's going to take a while.

Anyway, I don't want to focus on that for now! With the equinox yesterday Autumn has truly arrived and that is something to be happy about - I love this season! March still has a memory of summer days past, but the energy of autumn is here, no doubt about it. Even the hot days lack the intensity of summer heat, and we are already firing up the wood stove in the early morning chill. As we walk around near home I am enjoying the first whiffs of wood smoke from neighbouring chimneys. The funghi are beginning to shoot up around the property. I wish I knew more about the edible mushrooms - I know that a lot of them can be eaten but I just don't have the expertise - and it seems to be a lost art in Australia as there are very few people to learn this from.

But what we are harvesting right now are our beautiful chestnuts. Finally, two of the trees have started revealing large, gleaming, brown nuts. In the last three days I have collected hundreds of these nuts from beneath the shade of the trees. Each day brings a new bounty, and as I am foraging around for the nuts there is a steady bumpity-bump around me as the heavy chestnut shells continue to fall. During this difficult time in my life these little moments are gold - connecting me with our Mother Earth, and the simple joy of food direct from nature.

It is a bit if a spiky business this chestnut harvest, and I always get a couple of spines stuck in no matter how careful I am. So little Forest is in his not often utilised stroller, looking from a distance. He doesn't seem to mind as he finds my work fascinating to watch. I have observed this from him with the blueberry and blackberry harvest. For a little boy who never usually sits still - he takes a great and studied interest in the goings on of food collection. I feel that his sense of rightness is heightened when learning in this way. And so he sits and watches Mama squirreling away under the beautiful trees and coming over frequently to show off her treasures.

I am a little overwhelmed now with what to do with all these nuts! Of course, we will roast them daily and have lovely, warm, fresh chestnuts as a delicious snack. But they don't last very long fresh as they have such a high water content, so I need to find preserving ideas. Basically cooking, pureeing and freezing them to be used in soups and nut loaves is probably the best option. This prospect is a little daunting as I recall some years ago my poor bleeding hands after shelling chestnuts for hours! This was after cooking for a long time - the skins were still hard to get off. I must do some research to find a better way.

This is a final, random photo of the most delightful little moth that Forest spotted while we were harvesting nuts today. It is just so unusual and pretty that I think it deserves a spot in today's post!

Simple Domestic Bliss

2011-03-18T13:17:00.005+11:00

I have been sticking close to home what with all the sleep madness going on, and taking pleasure in simple home chores. This year's project is to simplify all the 'stuff' in the house, and create peaceful, aesthetic, but very user-friendly spaces. My laundry is now under control and I have moved onto sorting out my poor old kitchen - well overdue. So far I have cleaned out my fridge, and sorted and relined a couple of cupboards. I am trying to create space to store bulk items. A few reasons for this: less shopping trips, less money, easier to make things from scratch.

I have had a minor victory over the bench spaces and have been ruthless at getting rid of things that we really don't need. I love cooking, but have felt more and more cramped as 'stuff' started taking over on the workspace, leaving my creative cooking energy frustrated and stunted. Now I have so much room - I am very, very happy about this. Forest loves to help prepare every meal now and hops up into his little learning tower to assist. Now we have plenty of space for him to have his own little cooking project on the go. Also I can multitask when cooking a meal and have space for things like baking bread and making yoghurt etc all at the same time.

Autumn is creeping slowly in and although the days are still sunny and bright the early mornings and evenings are now dark and chill. We have the beginnings of an autumn table to welcome this season into our home.

You may be able to see some chestnut shells in the last photo from our lovely trees. I have been looking forward to the chestnut harvest having watched each stage of our trees cycle so closely since last winter. But alas - I guess it must be something to do with the strange weather we've had, but all of the nuts are teeny, tiny, and not usable. Today I found the first four good size chestnuts so far - but at this time of year there are usually thousands.

And lastly, I think I may finally be becoming crafty! I have been a bit shy to show my attempts as I am such a beginner to all things handmade, but the last few months have seen a flurry of making activity inspired by all the lovely blogging mamas out there. And I am loving it!

At the moment I am working on a pair of knitted wool trousers for Forest to keep him snug in winter. This was a big jump up for me from knitting scarves, but it is going well!

I am also slowly making my way through 'The Knitted Farmyard' book by Hannelore Wernhard. I started with the simplest knits - the chickens and ducks. The chickens are cute, not too sure about the ducks though.....

I took my first patchwork class a couple of weeks ago, and I must say that the precision of it all totally appealed to my Virgo sensibilities. I am starting with a little quilted cushion. That is coming along slowly as my sewing space is still not very inviting, but I'm working on it!

So these are the things that are keeping me sane during this sleep deprived phase I find myself in. When I really feel like I'm losing it, I just knit a couple of rows, my breath slows down and peace returns....

An update

2011-03-14T20:05:00.003+11:00

It has now been 1 month since our holiday, and it has been.....well, shockingly bad around here to tell the truth. I have not posted for a while, and so felt to say a quick something about life for us at the moment.

Forest has not been going to sleep, and I have been spending hours each day working to get him to sleep, and also trying to bring some rhythm back to our days. Once he is asleep, he then doesn't sleep well. I think the holiday really unsettled him. Add to this a 'frustration' phase that he has been going through -getting grumpy with everything - well, my nerves are shot. I am totally exhausted. This has been a hugely challenging time for me as a single mother. Forest's father has been away, and all of my family are in England so I have no back up when I am totally worn out. It is so hard to parent in any kind of conscious way when you are this tired.

Anyway, I think things are back on the up again. Forest has slept well for the past two nights and I feel like a human being again after a little more sleep. He is also moving out of his frustration and into a more joyful space.

I hope my next post will not be such a complaining one, but that is just how it is for us right now.

Cape Otway Diary - Day 8

2011-03-07T20:15:00.003+11:00

We say goodbye today to grumbling koalas, rambling manna gums, friendly sheep, wild coastlines and crashing surf, and return to our own little patch of Mother Earth.

This holiday has had many beautiful moments, feelings of relaxation, connection with nature, special times with a friend - but despite all this I must say that I am very glad to be home! Although Forest was very accommodating to all the new-ness and traveled for a long time in the car so much happier than I'd expected, I feel that he was unsettled and not quite himself for most of the trip. He was seriously excited about everything to the point that he found it hard to sleep, and I have returned from our holiday feeling exhausted! Holidaying alone with a toddler is hard work!

I guess this just reinforces to me how much home and daily rhythm is so where it's at for a babe of this age. As soon as we walked through our front door I felt all of Forest's tensions dissipate, and he was sooo happy to be home, and back cuddling his beloved Mowgli cat.

Cape Otway Diary - Day 7

2011-03-06T19:57:00.006+11:00

Finally a super-sunny-hot-beachy kind of day. This afternoon we made the drive into Apollo Bay and lugged a very excited small boy, bags of beach gear, buckets and spades, towels, suncream etc down to the sand for a 'lazy' beach afternoon. Except...not so lazy. Forest was seriously non-stop for the entire afternoon. He looked so cute in his UV beach gear (we have to be very careful with this Aussie sun).

I was really pleased that Forest's water confidence was - well - perhaps a little too confident! He rushed out daringly into the ocean surf and launched himself repeatedly under the waves. Sometimes kneeling on all fours to feel the waves crash over his head.

I was, of course, always arms length away as he is still a very little person. So this meant that I spent hours running around after him on that beach. I was rather envious of one toddler mother who sat reading whilst her son was playing happily with his bucket and spade. Forest's bucket and spade sat redundantly - the water was where it was at for that little beetle. And despite my nerves being tested, I am happy to have a little water baby - his mama loves the water too, so I think we'll have lots of fun in the years to come.

Cape Otway Diary - Day 6

2011-03-04T20:55:00.007+11:00

The road to the Cape passes through the heart of the Great Otway National Park. Tall, straight messmate eucalypts line the road, their branches leaning in to touch one another. These trees are not as tall or grand as the mountain ash eucalypts of our Dandenong Ranges, but there is an ethereal and also welcoming quality to them - beckoning you to enter and enjoy.

Coming out of the park and further into the Cape, you hit coastal flora - low bracken and scrub bushes and fields of fluffy sea grasses waving in the wind. But what I want to mention here is the coastal Manna gums that we are surrounded by in this area. Manna gums are the favourite food of koalas. They are short eucalypts with incredible twisting, twirling branches. To say that I am captivated by the beauty if these trees would be an understatement. Each one is a spectacular work of art. I can just happily stand and follow the unique course of each contorted limb. Some of these trees are beginning to flower and this is another specialty of the Manna gum. Most eucalyptus trees do not flower.

Near to our cabin is a 'flowering' gum full of bright orange blooms - I never knew of their existence before and am delighted by them. I have dreams of a native garden when I own my own home and am now adding visions of these bursting blossoms dotted around my fantasy garden.

The sheep continue to visit us on a regular basis and Forest has a rather confused love of them. I mean he really can't get enough of their company, with much sitting with his face pressed right up to theirs and chattering away to them in non-stop toddler speech. But.... the 'baa' is a problem. When they talk back it completely freaks him out. As long as the sheep are quiet the love affair continues, but one baa and the show's over!

Today we visited Cape Otway lighthouse. I felt compelled to go there after our visit to the graves of the lighthouse babies yesterday. As we walked along the jagged, fierce clifftops, I thought of that woman who had lost her little ones. As we ascended the spiraling stairs of the lighthouse I could see her footsteps on those same steep steps in my mind. I have thought a lot about this woman, and am fascinated to know more of her. I also have a very sad heart when I think of her long forgotten grief and sorrow.

I was so happy to find out some more information about her at the small cottage that she shared with her husband 160 year ago. Her name was Katherine Evans. This is what I read:

'..the wife of a long serving assistant keeper, William Evans. Katherine lost 2 children within 12 months whilst at this Cape. A son, Cornelius, and a year old daughter - Katherine. We see a heartbroken mother lament the lack of medical assistance or medicines in such an unforgiving environment. What's more, she faces the task of burying her children alone, her husband having detached himself emotionally, burying his sorrow in his work and sometimes alcohol. She pleads to leave the lighthouse and start life anew somewhere else but her pleas fall on deaf ears. The Evans' remained at Cape Otway for well over 20 years.'

So Katherine buried at least one of those children in that little cemetery all on her own. I simply cannot imagine how she coped. It is strange to think that in that place where Forest and I played and rested, Katherine once stood there alone and full of a mother's worse pain. I wonder what happened to her in the end and if she ever had more children. I hope that Katherine, Cornelius and little Katherine have all been blessed with more peace as their souls journey on.

Cape Otway Diary - Day 5

2011-03-02T20:12:00.008+11:00

On the edge of this vast land that we call Australia, on the south-eastern coastline, green, rolling, rugged hills meet the crashing blue surf of the Southern Ocean. These hills are known as the Otway Ranges. A grand road has been forged into the sides of these hills and along the curved, sweeping sandy bays - and this is The Great Ocean Road.

Capes are pieces of land that reach out into the ocean. They are wild places of bleakness and beauty, shipwrecks and fierce seas. The Otway Ranges curl down into Cape Otway - and it is here that Forest and I currently call home. It is indeed a beautiful and desolate place with only a handful of human inhabitants. The koalas on the other hand just love the Cape and their population is thriving. Perhaps because there are no people....?

This morning we walked through fields of sea grasses and scrub bushes, spiraling manna gums and fresh ocean air, in search of a hidden and wonderful place - the old cemetery of the early settlers to these parts. And why were they here these people of old - 150 to 200 years ago? Because of the ferocious seas of the Cape - to man the lighthouse.

The walk was quite long, but even after just a few days of being here and spending 95 percent of our waking hours outdoors, I feel vitality pulsing through my body. My legs powering me along the sandy paths with my precious passenger enjoying the views, and my dear soul-mate L by my side. So refreshing - so sweet and fully in the now.

The fields finally gave way to low bushes arching over a path. We turned a corner and there nestled in this coastal bushland were a tiny collection of sinking headstones and a memorial pillar to a group of sailors who perished 150 years ago on the Cape.

Cape Otway Cemetery

As soon as I turned that corner, the beauty and tranquility of this spot captured my consciousness and I was so touched by this peaceful place of history and loss.

Forest ambled happily around the graves playing, as L rested in the shade and I read the inscriptions. One grave had a particular impact on me - the resting place of two babies - both children of the early lighthouse keepers assistant, who were born a year apart and died as infants. So sad. I can't imagine the hardships of life that this family must have endured - and oh, that poor mother - losing two babes. Such tragedy. It happened so long ago, but now with a babe myself, it hurts me to think of this unknown lighthouse lady.

To get to our cabin on the Cape, you leave The Great Ocean Road and drives through Great Otway National Park. This afternoon we said goodbye to L, and Forest and I took our first walk in the rainforest of the park. Wondrousness! I am marveling in the miracles of our Mother Earth! This walk was such a contrast to our morning walk of dry, arid sparseness - here was verdant,lush fecundity. Layers of interacting plant life oozing potent energetic vibes. How I loved this place! Damp, dark, mossy - vibrant springy orange fungus, giant myrtle beech trees with cavernous openings in the bases of their trunks and root systems that look as though the elves have fashioned them for their beautiful nature palaces. We do not have these incredible trees in our rainforest home.

Great Otway National Park

This evening we returned to Apollo Bay and F played on the beach in the twilight. Such a lovely day.

Cape Otway Diary - Day 4

2011-03-01T20:20:00.006+11:00

Beautiful weather today. Not hot - but gently warming, bright sunlight. L, F & I went on what was supposed to be a short walk to a nearby hilltop lookout and got hopelessly lost! I don't know how it happened but suddenly we were stranded on the wild scrubby clifftop Cape with no idea which direction would lead us back toward our cabin. We had taken no food, water or sunscreen out with us and so I was a little nervous about being lost for too long on an Australian summers day. Fortunately F had a sunhat on and breastmilk to drink so he was OK.

After an hour of climbing fences and following horse trails (all with Forest on my back) we came by complete luck to a dirt road. Such relief! It led us back to our cabin. What a feeling of elation to be back in civilisation again. The Cape is not so remote that survival would have been an issue (most of country Australia is this harsh), but we could have been quite easily bumbling around all day before stumbling upon a person or road. This adventure took most of the morning.

View from the top of Spyglass Hill

Kangaroo tracks

The weather was warm enough for Forest to have a bucket and spade experience this afternoon at Apollo Bay. Not quite hot enough for swimming, but we rolled up his pants and he had a paddle in the ocean much to his joy. F seriously loves the beach and all its many delights. He was so non-stop for the time we spent there that by bedtime he was completely worn out and fell straight into a deep and a restful sleep.

Much as I love spending time with my babe it was a treat once he'd gone to bed to have L all to myself. Tonight we sat out on the verrandah until it was completely dark. As I knitted, koalas grumbled gently in the gum trees, galahs squawked overhead as they came in to roost for the night, and we shared such depth and sweet intimacy in our conversation together. Thank you dearest L for your beautiful friendship.

Cape Otway Diary - Day 3

2011-02-28T21:24:00.006+11:00

Yesterday morning as I lay in relaxation after my morning surya namaskara (yogic sun salutations), I looked up at the beautiful gum tree that grows over the cabin to see a koala lazily draped in a fork of branches, peering sleepily in at me.

This morning as I was dressing I heard Forest chattering away and didn't think much of it. Then I came out of the bedroom and saw who he was chattering to! Two little sheep faces were waiting at the front door window, looking in as though they'd called on us with great purpose. Forest was very happy to join them out on the verrandah for an early morning play - I do hope they call again! F just adored them and it was enchanting to witness his delight. He felt their wool coats and scratched their heads - such friendly sheep! Then he gave them lots of snuggles and kisses on their noses. So sweet.

Photos of sheep not so good as only 6am so no light!

I wonder which animal friend will be there to greet us tomorrow morning?

Today is misty and rainy - not great beach weather - but a big relief after the heat of yesterday. I love being out here enjoying the Aussie bush in the comfort of my thick wool socks, cups of hot mint tea, and or course, a very cute, warm toddler to cuddle.

A good sleep - feeling much better today. Keeping things close to home this morning, trying to bring F back into some kind of daily rhythm.

We took the bird trail this morning. Arched scrub bushes across a small uphill track with mist snaking through. Flocks of pink and grey galahs, crimson and blue rosellas, and the more subdued but equally wonderful wattle birds flit across our path. Delicious drizzling rain with koalas high up in the mist softly grunting as we pass beneath.

On the 'Bird Trail'

Drive through the mist shrouded forest of the Great Otway National Park to reach the Great Ocean Road. Then 20km down to Apollo Bay - a gorgeous little seaside town with a sweeping crescent moon sandy bay beach. F had his first beach experience - albeit in full rain gear and boots!

Apollo Bay

Late afternoon brought the arrival of my lovely friend L, who will stay with us for the weekend. So nice for the three of us to share dinner out on the verrandah, put F to bed, and then have a cosy girls evening with plenty of tea, sewing, sharing of our lives, and of course a little chocolate. The light descends as we chat and laugh, while the koalas snuffle around our little cabin in the forest.

Cape Otway Diary - Day 2

2011-02-27T20:56:00.005+11:00

Coastal flora

A very restless night. Koalas fighting and grunting loudly overhead. Something crawling on me in the bed - (in the morning I find a little spider, but it felt like hundreds of them in the night!). Forest upset because I forgot the nightlight. So very tired today. The weather is humid and draining. Cannot access the nearby beach that I had intended for us to visit daily as the recent rains have washed the road away - how disappointing. Forest very grumpy all day. This evening brings rain, coolness and relief.

Cape Otway Diary - Day 1

2011-02-25T21:55:00.000+11:00

Forest is 19 months old today! I am sitting in the twilight on our cabin's verrandah - the babe sleeps inside. I am surrounded by the stocky eucalypts of this coastal region. They are much shorter than the giants of our rainforest home. Koalas live here, and I have just watched a fluffy, grey little fellow climb all the way from earth to leafy branch. That is incredibly energetic for a koala, as all they usually do is eat and sleep.

It feels wildly exciting to be off on this escape with my boy. Getting out of the house this morning was not wildly exciting - in fact, it was completely stressful. But once we were away I felt so free and full of possibility.

It was a long drive and F did very well for a boy who doesn't like to ever sit still. He slept in the car for his nap, and awoke just as we entered the last big town - Colac -before heading into the Otway Ranges. Quite by chance I saw a sign for the Botanical Gardens and followed it. What we found was a beautiful place to break our journey and for Forest to stretch his legs, with a lovely cafe for lunch.

Colac Botanical Gardens

Our little cabin is perfect and cosy. It feels so good to leave behind our possessions for a few days, and be in this new place surrounded by a different kind of nature to that of our home - a different energy. I'm excited to start our explorations tomorrow.

the cabin

Forest's explorations have already begun in earnest with a rather frantic dismantling of the cabin on arrival. It was very sweet to watch his delight in the new surroundings. I had brought a ready cooked dinner with me from home - so glad. After arriving late afternoon it was good to have a delicious, nutritious meal with little effort. I spent my time instead cosying up our nest with some things from home - a few throws, cushions, colourful scarves and candles. Tomorrow we'll do our little home blessing that we do every morning to really help bring us into this new space.

this moment

2011-02-25T20:32:00.002+11:00

A friday ritual inspired by Soulemama

A moment in time captured from our week, few words:

Sharing our stories

2011-02-18T11:50:00.002+11:00

Forest and I are back from our beach holiday, but still don't have a computer, so I will not be able to post again until a new lead arrives. I'm going to enjoy the break from technology and when things are up and running again I am planning to share my holiday diaries of our wilderness beach adventure.

In the middle of our stay my beautiful friend - L -joined us for three days. I was telling her about this new blog world that I have become a part of. There were obvious benefits that I was pointing out - that this was a lovely record of Forest's childhood, that I was frequently inspired by other families who were living a simple, alternative lifestyle. That I learned great practical tips in the way of cooking, crafting and gardening, also insights into how people are living in different parts of our planet. But there was something more that I couldn't quite express - and I have honestly wondered myself about why it is that I am so drawn to the blog world when mostly in my life I have been trying to move away from technology and globalisation.

My wise friend knew exactly what the beauty was. She said that human beings - and in particular women - are driven to share their stories with one another. It is such a strong impulse and need, and these days of not living in direct community have cut us off somewhat from the ability to be able to do this.

In my situation, I am lucky to have close girlfriends living nearby, and we do get together and have regular sharing - which is so beneficial and nurturing. However, it is not the same as sharing on a day to day basis, and this is what I think we are lacking in living only among our nuclear families. I want to hear about other women's trials and successes, laundry and cooking, daily troubles and moments of beauty. I need to share my own life stories - both trivial and deep, and this blog allows me in some small way to do this.

So L is right. We do need to share our stories, and I am so grateful to the wonderful women who are taking the time to share their joys and sorrows with those of us who follow.

A funny sort of week..

2011-02-08T16:53:00.005+11:00

Forest and I are heading off tomorrow to the beach, and as I look back over this past week it seems quite disjointed and - well - a funny sort of week really. We started with searingly high temperatures, and I totally lost all flow with my yoga practices and home rhythm while we just tried to eat, sleep and get through it. Then came hail and floods! Roads blocked all around us, driveway gone, no power and our little creek climbed steadily higher. The water has now receded but the course of the creek has completely changed, which seems quite strange after knowing and loving it for so long the way it was.

In the last few days I have been busy, busy, busy preparing for our trip - tidying house, preparing our kitties, writing instructions for house-sitter, watering plants and grocery shopping. We will be taking all our own food as we have hired a little cabin in the rainforest that has its own kitchen. It is a remote place that we are headed to, so no nearby town with shops if I forget anything. This will be a very lazy sort of a holiday - well - as much as it can be whilst looking after a small person! So I have packed many books, and craft/knitting projects to work on. Right now I am sitting and looking at the mountain of stuff that I have prepared and wondering how in the world it is all going to fit into my tiny car.

Yesterday was just a normal, nice, warm, sunny day - no extreme temperatures, no floods - just normal for a change! So I abandoned all my trip preparations and we took off to a local playground. Two weeks ago when we were at this playground Forest was excited but could not really safely play with anything. In that short space of time his motor skills have advanced so much, and he had such fun climbing, sliding and swinging.

The nearby bakery was the perfect place to round off his fun adventure with a nice, messy baby-chino.

Last night my computer lead spontaneously sparked into flames - thank goodness this happened while I was there and able to quickly turn the power off before we ended up with a house fire. Anyway - I had been thinking about taking my laptop with me on our holiday, but no chance now. I had been spending too much time on the computer so perhaps all is for the best.

The hair

2011-02-05T13:12:00.010+11:00

OK - I really need to talk about that hair, as I feel I may be going completely mad to be spending so much of my time on worrying what to do with it. I appreciate that this is a fairly trivial worry, and one that comes with only having one child so far and therefore perhaps too much time on my hands? And I know that it really is what's on the inside rather than physical appearances that counts, but I can't help it - I am too scared to cut his hair!! He is just too cute and I am suddenly faced with now having to choose whether I will let his hair grow wild and free, or do the (probably) sensible thing and at least cut the front so that he can actually see.

It just feels so wrong to 'alter' any part of his - ummm - perfection! I can't bare to take the scissors to those blond locks. I have been clipping it back, and it is even long enough now to put in a pony tail on the top of his head. But everywhere we go people address him as a girl - not that this really matters I suppose.

It is so delicious this toddler boys hair. Shiny, curly, lovely hair that I have stroked and smelled and delighted in since his birth, when it was almost non-existent fluffy fuzz. Perhaps I will just knit him a little hairband and see if he will tolerate it to keep the hair out of his eyes.

Just because it seems a little indulgent to do a whole post based only on Forest's hair issues, I think I will give a little update on our bizarre, ever-changing Melbourne weather. Only a few days ago I was complaining of forty degree heat, and now today it is so cold that it hailed. This kind of seasonal jump is quite normal for us. I am loving being bundled up in a thick jumper. Tomorrow we could be sizzling again. Who knows?

Cool change

2011-02-05T13:12:00.007+11:00

The sizzle factor is gone. In fact, yesterday it began to rain.....and rain........and rain. And when I say rain, I mean a torrential, hammering, thunderous and even a little bit scary sort of a downpour.

It rained all night, and all morning, and it continues to fall even now as I write - although somewhat less ferociously. Part of our driveway has been washed away in the deluge, and little mini creeks have formed to deal with the run-off. Forest enjoyed these new water ways very much when we went out for some rain fun this morning. The big old gum trees often lose branches, or come crashing down completely in this kind of weather so it is not safe to go walking. We just hung back near the house and splashed around for a while.

Our little creek has burst its banks and flooded, but fortunately not quite high enough to cover our bridge out to the road. It is now a raging torrent of swirling, muddy, brown water, carrying branches and all other sorts of debris along with it. I have never seen it like this. Usually sitting in our home, I can just about here it trickling by, but this evening the rushing sound of fast-moving water is quite loud.

We have been without power for most of the day and evening - a common occurrence around here! I am always initially annoyed when this happens, but it is actually a beautiful thing to spend some hours here and there using only natural light, no technology and hearing only the sounds of nature. We live in such a peaceful spot but it seemed even more pristine today. It was only when the power returned that I realised that the extra layer of quiet was because of the absence of the buzzing fridge. I have become so used to that invasive sound it seems. Preparing dinner by candlelight was tricky but delightful.

We drove out in the late afternoon for a hot drink and supplies in town. The road in bends around the creek, and all along was gushing water, little landslides, trees and branches down and men working to clear the chaos and reconnect the power supply.

It is such relief to be out of the heat wave. I feel as though all home stuff has gotten really behind as we were lying so low to cope with the hot temperatures. Now I am tired but needing to get busy again. Forest and I are going away for a beach holiday next week and I would like to be well prepared for that.

Forest seems to have hit one of those slightly frustrated, grumpy stages again. I am sure that these generally coincide with a developmental surge forward. His grumping for teething and illness are slightly more cuddly, clingy. There is certainly a lot of clingy-ness going on - and non-stop breast feeding too. But there is definite frustration and a little anger with this bout of grumping. I don't think it's that bad, but it does put me quite on edge when he's out of sorts. It makes me worry that I'm not understanding something.

On a total tangent - Forest ate raw cloves of garlic this morning - crunching them down like they were a total delicacy! Is this normal?? I guess it is very healthy so that's fine. He does have quite bad garlic breath now though.............

Harvest

2011-02-02T20:07:00.004+11:00

We have been following the celebrations from the 'Wheel of the Year', and so today it is Lammas in the Southern Hemisphere. This ancient festival was in honour of the first harvest of the season.

I really like the idea of having a special time in the year where we praise the food that is grown to sustain us. Precious life-giving food that literally makes our physical body. It is so important that Forest grows up with an appreciation of good, wholesome food, as the diet of his generation seems to be so far from food in its original, nourishing form. I want him to develop a reverence for food, an understanding of where it comes from and the work involved to bring it to the table.

We don't yet have our own vegetable garden, but after pondering on today's theme I now put this as a number one priority for us this year. We have a worm farm, we have space, we have time and passion for the task - so enough procrastination! Even if we just start with four or five small crops and build each year, I know that the doing of this will nourish both body and soul.

But we did have a few nice little treasures to harvest today. Lemons, blueberries, rhubarb and herbs to be dried. The weather is still so extreme that being outside is not good. The UV is very high and to take Forest out for even five minutes I had to cover him up from head to toe, and smother any bits of skin that were sticking out with sun cream. So I was not able to gather the vast cornucopia of produce that I'd hoped for, but enough to make a pretty harvest alter on our nature table:

We can also follow the wheel of the year on a deeper level. Harvest is a time to take stock of what you are harvesting on a personal level. What seeds did you sew and how have they blossomed? Right now I am happy with my harvest. It has been a difficult time in my life with the separation from Forest's father, but I have worked hard through my yoga practice (and the help of a great counselor!) to move through the stages of grief, and bring about healing - it was very important to go through these stages, but I truly did not want them to linger on for years, with a little person copying my every move!

Since the new year began, I have been harvesting the crop from all this inner work. A time of peacefulness and flow. A return to authenticity and conviction. A time of feeling less ruffled by life's ups and downs. And a time of beautiful connection with my little toddler boy. Oh - he is definitely the most favoured of all the crops that require my attention right now....

Sizzling...

2011-02-01T10:42:00.003+11:00

Three days ago I set about writing a post about our summer daily rhythm, but since beginning that we have been flung into a heatwave and our rhythm has gone to pieces! Temperatures hover around forty degrees. So I write today about the new sizzling summer rhythm that we have fallen into.

Our little house can keep cool and cave-like with curtains and windows shutting out the heat for one really hot day only. Even then - by evening it is often quite uncomfortable, making sleep tricky. We are now into day four of the sizzlers and our house is like a furnace! There is no escape - no reprieve. However, the curtains remain closed as it is still marginally less hot than outside. So we are now inhabiting a hot, dark, oppressive sort of a cave.

Forest is still happy enough pottering and playing (nothing can get in the way of this toddlers insatiable quest to learn and do), and he does try valiantly to go to sleep at the appropriate moments, but it just doesn't happen. So on day two, I said - "Enough!" Time out from our routine and into survival mode, and whatever works to get us through the day. This is a part of our yearly rhythm - to adapt and flow when extreme situations present themselves.

And so we find ourselves having late nights - awaiting the slight dip in temperature that allows for sleep to come - albeit a restless, fitful kind of sleep. Rising late and then trying to get all our chores done before the midday heat really kicks in. However, for the past two days it is already steaming hot by nine, and so I am pulling back to do the absolute minimum housework for us to still remain functional.

By midday it's already too hot in the house for Forest to have his nap, so I have taken to driving him (we have aircon in the car) down off the mountain to the suburbs while he sleeps. Our destination is not a place I usually favour. One of those huge, consumer mecca's to materialism - the shopping mall. But in there it is cool and I am grateful for that on these days. They have a deluxe baby change/parent's room, that has a fenced indoor play area full of glizty, glimmery plastic toys, and wide-screen children's TV playing all day. All totally against my parenting style, and yet I admit so very welcome in this situation! There are comfy couches to rest on as your little one plays, and I do take full advantage of this room, usually spending an hour or so there.

Appetites dwindle in this heat, but there has been vast quantities of ice cream consumed by myself. I am holding off sugar to Forest until he is two, but his fresh, new palette is very happy with cold summer fruits to suck and chew on. Juicy watermelon, sweet plums, strawberries and grapes.

Evenings we return to the hot box of home and I prepare salad for dinner, while Forest enjoys the freedom of clothing and nappy off. I really am finding it a bit hard to stay bright in this heat. Last night we did not even bother trying to use our upstairs bedroom which was insufferable, but both slept on the sofa bed downstairs. So this somewhat grumpy mama will now sign off with a photo of the little beetle finally asleep last night.

this moment

2011-01-28T20:10:00.004+11:00

A friday ritual inspired by Soulemama

A moment in time captured from our week, few words:

Serious

Our Australia Day

2011-01-26T19:59:00.015+11:00

Today is Australia Day and this is one holiday that I have always felt a little uncomfortable about. I truly love this adopted country of mine, and there is patriotism and a wish to celebrate all that is good in this great southern land. However, this date marks the anniversary of the first fleet of convict ships to arrive here and so also marks the start of nearly two and a half decades of suffering by the aboriginal people - the traditional custodians of this land.

As I see all the cars driving around today sporting the national flag, and I watch drunken teenagers roam the streets of our local town wrapped in their Aussie flags, I don't feel good about this. I know that this is a painful anniversary for the aboriginal people, and well - all this glee and frivolity on Australia Day just feels like we're rubbing it in!

I was so pleased to find that our local aboriginal community were putting on a 'Survival Day' festival in a local park. This was to be a celebration of their ancient traditions and culture making it through these years since colonisation.

I felt that here was something I could take my son to that would be a joyous experience, a link to the roots of this land we are so lucky to belong to, and to teach him a more respectful way of honouring this annual holiday.

Of course this year he is only one and so the politics of the situation are a little beyond him! But he had a great time at the gathering - in fact, I have never seen him sit still for so long! We sat on the wet grass and watched the dancers dance the Dreamtime stories of Creation, felt and heard the vibrations of the didgeridoo, surrounded by the damp coolness of giant sequioas. We had story time and leaned how the emu lost his wings, and then joined in with the dancers.

It was an uplifting, but also for me a sad experience, as I contemplated the many terrible episodes of cruelty and hardship that have been the lot of the aboriginal people.

But I am grateful to call Australia home. This is a land of relative peace and kindness, a land bestowed with great natural beauty, a prosperous place full of humour and a sense mate-ship. A sometimes vast, empty, dry and desolate land, and sometimes green, lush, and vividly alive land. A favourite Australian poem to share:

My Country

The love of field and coppice,
Of green and shaded lanes.
Of ordered woods and gardens,
Is running in your veins.
Strong love of grey-blue distance,
Brown streams and soft dim skies.
I know but cannot share it,
My love is otherwise.

I love a sunburnt country,
A land of sweeping plains.
Of ragged mountain ranges,
Of droughts and flooding rains,
I love her far horizons,
I love her jewel sea.
Her beauty and her terror,
The wide brown land for me!

A stark white ring-barked forest,
All tragic to the moon.
The sapphire-misted mountains,
The hot gold hush of noon.
Green tangle of the brushes,
Where lithe lianas coil.
And orchids deck the tree-tops,
And ferns the warm dark soil.

Core of my heart, my country!
Her pitiless blue sky,
When sick at heart, around us,
We see the cattle die-
But then the grey clouds gather,
And we can bless again,
The drumming of an army,
The steady, soaking rain.

Core of my heart, my country!
Land of the Rainbow Gold.
For fire and flood and famine,
She pays us back threefold-
Over the thirsty paddocks,
Watch, after many days,
The filmy veil of greenness,
That thickens as we gaze.

An opal-hearted country,
A wilful, lavish land,
All you who have not loved her,
You will not understand-
Though earth holds many splendours,
Wherever I may die,
I know to what brown country,
My homing thoughts will fly.

Dorothy Mackellar

The little things...

2011-01-24T11:41:00.003+11:00

I was looking back over this blog and I saw a post with the title 'the little things', and I realised that for quite some time now I have been going on about nature, and Christmas and all manner of things, but have said very little about this little boy that is so the centre of my world. I think having a 'the little things' post here and there is a good idea for me. There are many beautiful moments that take place in our life that I treasure and would like to remember when Forest is grown. So here goes...

This 'little thing' is actually really big! In the last five days Forest has started collecting words in a most enthusiastic manner. After having about ten words for the last six months, he has easily quadrupled that in the last few days. His latest words are tree, chair, water, star, cat and - rather spectacularly I feel - porridge! I had read that when these toddler babes reach two they start to string small sentences together, and I thought, 'Oh - Forest won't be doing that by then.' Think again mama! This boy has arrived at language and nothing will hold him back!

I am loving the 'help' now being offered (read forced upon me) by that little beetle of mine. Laundry tasks, sweeping, dishes, vacuuming, bed-making (while he says 'sheet, sheet' in that oh so sweet voice of his), watering plants (a big favourite), housework - nothing is too much trouble. He attacks these tasks with such zest and vigour, it is so delightful to watch.

Forest now runs inside after his morning nature walk as I then move his learning tower over to the sink so that he can wash his hands for morning tea. He splashes around in the sink while I prepare our fruit and tea. Once it is served on his little wooden table he scampers down to sit on his own special chair and have his food and drink. It is all just so civilised! I look at him sitting there choosing this and that off his plate, tasting, playing, drinking his cup of tea - and I think - who is that little actual person who suddenly shares this space with me? No longer a babe, but an individual with his own will, and wants that are not always in his best interests. Wants that I have to start thinking smart about in order to keep harmony in the home. Having said that, Forest is, in general, such an amicable little chap.

This boy of mine may be entering the phase of discovering his own will, but mainly I see him looking for signs that he is making me happy. Such a little treasure he is. He loves people, and is always so very excited when visitors come to our home - particularly if those visitors happen to be of the small person variety.....

This toddler time is certainly keeping me on my feet. As soon as I think I have things under control, he moves onto another phase and I am left floundering for a little while. But I love the ride that this mothering journey is taking me on. On a personal note I have never felt better. The challenges have forced me to stay with the discipline of my own spiritual practice - and I see Forest flourish when I take time for this. The challenges also keep me in that state of 'flow'. Nothing can become too static or rigid in the life of a child. Rhythm - yes - but strict routine not. And so life is being lived here in our hill home, and I feel that a lot of the time I am present to it in all its simplicity - whether that be Forest's antics, nature's happenings, a home-cooked meal, or a pail of dirty nappies!

Thank you little Forest for choosing me to be your Mama. Having this most important job to do has brought me such joy. I am so very excited about all the places the precious path of your childhood will take us on.

March fly madness

2011-01-22T19:45:00.004+11:00

The march flies arrived here yesterday, and I know that they are one of God's creatures, but I do find it hard to love these bitey big flies. I think they may be known as horse flies in other parts of the world. They are big and buzzy and give you a really painful bite.....they are also persistent. So in the last couple of days Forest and I have had trouble enjoying the great outdoors with our usual relish because we have been under siege from these annoying beasts. Lots of arm flailing as I walk around the property. I guess the bites are not dangerous at all, but I just don't like it......... Actually I just read that march flies are really important pollinators of flowers. Well.....that is a reason to feel a little more generous toward them.

Now onto the subject of bush tucker. It has come to my attention that there may be many a wild berry, leaf or nut growing around the forest here that we could be enjoying as part of our diet. I love the notion of harvesting food from the wild. This kind of bounty has such potent energy for us to benefit from.

Anyway, I recently noticed these pendulous plum like berries scattered throughout the woods. I had thought they may be purple apple-berries, but they are not perhaps quite the right shape. Incredibly pretty though:

I suppose these red berries are also poisonous -but the currawongs are certainly enjoying them:

Now these I am assured are wild strawberries and fit for eating - we have hundreds of them on the property:

Bush tucker really refers to native plants, but we also have a lot of edible 'weeds' to make use of aswell. My problem is that I am not completely sure of myself with identification. What is needed here is a really good book to use as a guide so that we can begin wildcrafting these wonderful plants that nature is providing for us. I will look into it.

this moment

2011-01-21T11:47:00.004+11:00

A friday ritual inspired by Soulemama

A moment in time captured from our week, few words:

That swing...

Full Moon

2011-01-20T19:57:00.003+11:00

She rose in a cloudless violet sky. I could see her from my home, shining and mysterious above the chestnut trees. Full and round and peaceful. I move through one slow round of chandra namaskara - the lunar equivalent of the yoga sun salutations. Chandra meaning moon in Sanskrit, namaskara - greetings. Greetings to you dear sister moon. I feel vibrant and alive.

Harnessing the energy of the moon in its different phases has effected me in a very powerful way. I realise how important coming into harmony with the lunar cycle is. After all - if the moon has such an effect as causing the push and pull of the oceans, and given that our bodies are seventy percent water, it stands to reason that she is also having some pretty strong influences on our being too!

Now at her fullest point I feel the need for action, movement, achievement, extroversion, socialising, enjoyment of the senses, brightness and putting energy out into the world. As she lessens, this will be time to subtly draw inward, bring projects to completion, use a softer yoga practice, have plenty of sleep and time for nurturing self.

Chestnut tree love

2011-01-18T12:24:00.005+11:00

How I love our four abundant chestnut trees that live at the bottom of the garden. They give so much pleasure to us in so many ways, that I thought I'd do a little profile of them here.

Shady picnic summer spot, bee haven, home to departed pets in our little graveyard beneath, autumn leaf bonanza, joyful swinging space, great climbing branches, and of course - the nuts that will be here in just a few months!

Last year we had our little winter solstice bonfire beneath the spiny silhouettes of bare branches in the dusk light. This year I have visions of a summer solstice party beneath the canopy of the far tree where Forest's swing looks out over the wildflowers of the horse paddocks. I'm picturing a long white tablecloth blowing in the warm summer breeze, loaded with delicious seasonal foods, paper lanterns strung from leafy green branches overhead, and little girls in fairy wings eating ice-cream in the long summer grasses! Mmmmmmm - yes, I do love those trees....

King of the Sky

2011-01-16T19:49:00.005+11:00

Nature showed us many wondrous sights today. It began this morning when we woke up to see these from our bedroom window:

Hundreds of them errupting from the straw that we have mulched our lemon tree with.

Then on our morning walk 'the wall' has had a complete change of inhabitants. This was our first walk since the rain and humidity ended, and I guess that the strange weather has changed things up. Today the wall was full of these teeny, tiny spider webs, glistening in the morning dew. Who made them? What became of our little shiny beetles?

Another new visitor to 'the wall':

So the weather is back to normal again with the sun making its reappearance yesterday morning, and now two hot summer days in a row. The wild flowers all around are flourishing with the combination of water and light. This has also triggered off the arrival of hundreds of creamy white butterflies - who seemed to suddenly appear with the return of the sun. Just lovely watching them flit and dart around the flowers.

But the major event of today was one of such magnificence and random surprise. Forest and I were playing out on the verrandah when suddenly a dark shadow blocked out the light coming in from the clear roof above. I couldn't imagine what it could be, and then all the nearby birds started to go crazy. I lifted Forest up and we stood at the verrandah railings watching the show. A grey heron zoomed hurriedly down to the creek and the whole flock of sulphur crested cockatoos who live in the nearby gum trees all began wheeling around in the air squawking and carrying on. Suddenly just metres away from us, at our eye level flew the enormous beating wings of a wedge-tailed eagle! These kings of the sky are the second biggest eagles in the world - with a wing span of over two metres.I knew that there were a couple of pairs living in these ranges, and very occasionally see them soaring on thermals high in the sky. To see one at such close range was thrilling - and slightly surreal! I have a feeling that it may have seen my cats out in their enclosure, because it was swooping low over the house with purpose! As I replay that moment in my mind - and perhaps this is just fanciful -but I can see the face, the eye looking out and even the rustle of feathers as wings move - that's how close it was.
Our poor friends the cockatoos were terrified, but I watched them valiantly attacking the eagle,trying to drive it away from babes no doubt. Then he was gone. There was an eerie quiet for about five minutes - even Forest just stayed snuggled up and was a little spooked. Soon the birds began chirping again and life continued on.

this moment

2011-01-14T20:26:00.003+11:00

A friday ritual inspired by Soulemama

A moment in time captured from our week, few words:

Cat, Boy, Sun

And still the rain comes...

2011-01-14T12:03:00.005+11:00

The extreme weather continues. Despite the physical discomforts of all this humidity and rain, there is something other-wordly that I love about extreme weather. It brings a different energy to our days, some risk and daring to our rather comfortable lives, a waiting expectancy as we hold our breath until the storm, or heat, or wind ceases.

This morning the rain had stopped for just a little while and instead of rain we had strong, gusting wind. I anticipate a loss of power as that tends to be inevitable in our little hill shack whenever we have heavy wind or rain, and have my thermos full to see us through the day for hot water needs. Outside branches are coming crashing down and some quite scary sounding creaks and groans from nearby trees. Too dangerous for our nature walk today, so we spent our morning outdoor time under the shelter of the verrandah instead.

Now Forest is napping and the rain is seriously non-stop pouring again. I wonder about our little creek - how much more will it take to flood? Not that we'd be in any danger from this - unlike the poor folk up in Queensland who are seriously suffering from such awful floods. If our creek floods, the worst that would happen is that we would have our driveway cut off (it goes over a bridge spanning the creek), but if we needed to get out we could trek over fields at the back of the property.

Forest finds one joyful aspect of this weather - lots of these appearing for stamping in, and even fully immersing oneself...

I am thinking so much of the families in Queensland right now. Not only losing their homes, but even some have lost children. So heart-breaking to consider, and makes me feel very appreciative of this moment, because we truly do not know what is around the corner. I hold Forest a little closer and relish this day.

Humidity and other randomness..

2011-01-11T20:17:00.005+11:00

The last five days have been incredibly humid. It is so hot and muggy around here and I have that kind of slow brain stupor that inhibits the motivation to do very much at all except laze in front of the fan. Unfortunately Forest has no such inhibition and is still trotting around busily in his usual fashion, so I am also busy keeping up with him!

It is so hot, but very grey and rainy. Today it literally has not stopped raining. In Victoria we are being affected by the same weather that is causing the terrible flooding up in Queensland.

Other happenings around here:

The chestnut trees began to drop their blossoms about a week ago. I love how these soft tendrils cover the pet graveyard - the poetic side of myself imagining they are the tears of the weeping tree. Anyway, literally overnight the new chestnuts have begun to form! I am amazed by this. How does the tree do this so quickly? This leads me to Forest's latest incident. He fell over and copped a whole handful of chestnut spines the poor thing. It didn't look too bad at the time, but the next day you could clearly see the tips embedded and it was very red and angry looking. I covered it with a honey bandage and this took away the redness. The spines are still there, but I guess the skin will gradually work them out. He looked so cute with his little bandage that he very proudly showed off to all. The very next day he swallowed the plastic end of a cat toy which was also slightly concerning. I think it's passed through now...

Other randomness from this home in the hills: Our beautiful Mrs King Parrot stopping by on our verrandah for her daily chat. And I really mean this - these birds just love human company, and are quite vocally insistent that we join them out there when they come visiting! Forest is enchanted by them every time! They have taken to sheltering on the undercover washing line whenever it is raining, so at the moment we are seeing quite a bit of them.

And finally, I have photos of a bit of doll love. What a pleasure to see his happiness at something made with my own hands!

The Wall.....

2011-01-09T20:23:00.005+11:00

There is a bank - a sort of wall - that flanks the side of our driveway. It is a non-descript and dry, lifeless sort of looking area when viewed from a distance. I have never given it much thought really. But now we have our little beetle boy out on his morning nature walk each day, and in the last week 'the wall' has become a very important side-trip on our daily loop around the property. Indeed it is now such a highlight that Forest speeds up his little toddler legs as soon as he spies it in the distance and races off for a daily viewing of what I now know to be a whole ecosystem of lives being lived.

It all began with the beetles. Not my little beetle, but with an even littler beetle that led me to its home on 'the wall'. Astonishingly we found many of these tiny beings all living there. They are utterly beautiful creatures, their hard casing made of a vibrant metallic blue. Forest can stand and stare at these beetles forever. I don't think he can quite believe that such a thing as these can be for real. I tell you it has made me appreciate this miraculous, amazing place we call earth all over again a thousand times as I spend time with my beloved boy observing life on 'the wall'! It is such a marvel what Mother Nature gets up to!

Anyway, the beetles were only the start of our insect studies. Since then we have watched colonies of ants going about their business, slugs trundling along, woodlice scurrying, and countless interesting looking holes that have been built by who knows? It is fascinating. To these creatures 'the wall' is their home and possibly all they know. I love that Forest is a key for me to open up the secrets all around our home.

It never occurred to me before having a child what a massively healing opportunity there was in parenting - for oneself. The efforts that I make to bring life into rhythm, the close attention to natures cycles, and the joy of seeing things through the eyes of a child. I feel so very blessed.

Blessing our home

2011-01-09T20:10:00.003+11:00

I liked the idea inspired by Carrie from The Parenting Passageway of this week as one to consciously bless our homes. I decided that it would be lovely to have a little daily home puja to be conducted as part of our morning routine.

It is a very simple thing to do - I just gathered some beautiful stones, picked a few wild-flower blooms as offerings, and arranged them lovingly near the front door. With the lighting of incense I allowed my consciousness to dwell on the importance and sanctity of home, and sincerely asked for our home to be blessed on this day, and for all who reside within to be nurtured and cared for.

Bringing these small rituals into daily life helps so much to lift the mind and bring perspective and reverence.

New Moon

2011-01-05T20:21:00.004+11:00

On this twelfth day of festivities it is time to bid Christmas farewell. Tomorrow all our decorations will be packed away, cards to recycling and tree outside to wither away until Winter Solstice bonfire.

These twelve days have been a very potent time for us. We went from a difficult first couple of days, to ten more days of peace, clarity and joy. Having never before consciously observed the twelve days of Christmas, I happily followed the suggestions from Carrie at The Parenting Passageway for inspiration. There is a great opportunity here to set the tone for the year to come. I feel rejuvenated and clear about our direction, having had many insights during this precious time.

This evening we lit our Christmas candle during dinner for the last time, and I played our favourite songs of the season, knowing that they will not be back for another year. There was something very special about this spontaneous finishing ritual. Time to come out of the different consciousness of 'festival' time, and move back into normal-day consciousness. But, of course, carrying some of that richness on with us as we travel back into the rhythms of simple living.

A new rhythm has arrived into my life. Yesterday was the new moon, and for a long time I have wished to harness the moons energy for my projects, rather than work against it. So beginning a project at new moon, bringing it to fruition at full moon, and then winding things down at dark moon. As a woman I realise that if our own monthly cycle is not in sync with that of the moon then there will remain some conflict between the pull of lunar forces and the pull of our own inner workings. How lovely it would be to come back into harmony with nature.

As I would dearly like to get my house more organised I will pick home projects to work with through each moon cycle. This month is the turn of the laundry. I began cleaning and sorting yesterday. The next task is to invest in some laundry hampers so the washing can be easily divided, and also some nice wooden airers to replace my falling apart plastic ones, for bringing damp clothes in to dry on rainy days. I would also like to set up a little mending basket and table to streamline repairs. At the moment it is too easy to discard things that are ripped, or just never get around to fixing them.

Time to get a more industrious!

A walk in the new year

2011-01-03T20:18:00.006+11:00

An incredibly beautiful and peaceful week has followed the Christmas busyness. Forest and I have been spending much time in nature, pottering around home, doing lots of yoga, enjoying each others company and generally being in the most dreamy slow-time kind of consciousness. I cannot remember the last time I felt so relaxed. I am loving how since New Years Eve there is a palpable stillness in the air. Hardly any cars on the road, or mechanical noises - just bird song and cicadas humming. In the mornings the whole world seems to be sleeping in, and as I push Forest in his little chestnut tree swing, it feels as though we have it all to ourselves.

I guess tomorrow the hustle and bustle around us will begun again, but I hope to take this lesson in slowing things down and work to keep life less frantic. After all - what do we really need? A food shop here and there, visits with friends - do we really need all the other 'stuff' that clutters up the diary? My mind feels very calm and I would like a bit more of this kind of tranquility in my life please!

Today we did venture a little way from home - down the mountain to a part of the national park that I love to visit.

It struck me as we walked along the trail that I had walked here in the very early stage of pregnancy before I even knew of Forest's existence! And then again in late pregnancy, where I imagined how nice it would be to labour right there among the trees. It was a lovely walk in the warm sunshine. We watched this little fellow for a while. There are a lot of echidnas around right now:

The quality that I would like to work on this month is that of reverence. I love this word, although I find it hard to define. I guess it's a sort of honouring attitude to all the bountiful wonders - both large and small - that surround us. At the moment I am so feeling the reverent vibe and it fills my soul with such joy. Reverence magnifies the experience of something - be it a simple branch, a beautiful bird, a sunset, trickling water, or our own sweet babe.

It strikes me now that one of the avenues to increase a reverent approach in life is to slow things down, take our time and not to rush. Simplify our lifestyle in order to achieve this. Yes - this is definitely one quality that I would love Forest to tap into during his childhood. My other thought is that rituals can help instill reverence. Small day to day rituals - for example feeding the birds, greeting a special tree, and the larger ones that are linked with festivals and seasons.

Welcome to 2011!

Summer Days...

2010-12-30T20:29:00.005+11:00

We have had a run of delicious summer days. Warm, dry weather with blue skies and no wind at all. The air is alive with insects, butterflies and bees busy scurrying hither and thither. The creek at the foot of our driveway glistens in the sunlight as it sings its merry trickle song. You can just about hear this from the verrandah, but Forest and I visit every day as part of our nature walk and sing our own special water song back to the creek.

We have added a new delight into the daily walk. A Christmas gift of a swing now hangs beneath the shade of the chestnut tree. I love this spot and have always wanted an excuse to linger here. Now I get to push a happy laughing babe, shaded from the suns strong rays while looking out across the rippling grasses and wild flowers of the horse paddocks. Such a treat!

How have I never noticed these white summer flowers before? The forest is suddenly full of these blooms and I am wondering what kind of tree it is - I think it must be a native. How beautiful this sudden eruption of white pervading our forest home. Observation of such things would have marked phases of the year in times gone by - I would so love to be more in tune these goings on of mother earth. For someone who loves nature, how has it taken me eight years to note that these flowers arrive every summer?

Yesterday we collected a whole heap of their blossoms and decorated our home with them. So beautiful. They have a beguiling fragrance - the scent of summer I think. In the evenings the smell is very strong. I finally took a close look at what miracle of nature makes up these white flowers and was so amazed at the miniature orchid-like structure that I found.

We are fortunate to have a prolific blueberry patch on the property where we live and they are very quickly ripening in this warm spell of weather. Every day Forest and I take our basket and pick the ripe berries. This is F's first experience of berrying and he has taken to it like a pro! He shovels the blueberries into his sweet little mouth and then whines for more! He can even pick them himself, although I need to keep a check that he is not going for the green berries in his feeding frenzy.

Being outside and harvesting food in this natural way with my child learning and enjoying brings such a strong sense of rightness. We surely miss out on so much in our world of 'convenience'.

A Christmas Post

2010-12-29T11:54:00.007+11:00

I enjoyed advent so much - that wonderful building toward Christmas. But Christmas I have found hard in my new single-motherness. On the surface everything has gone well, but inside I have felt very emotional. When I discussed this with my own mother she wisely commented how at Christmas some things are felt very sharply. We remember those people we love who are no longer with us, or who are far away. We reminisce over Christmas's past, and think of what has happened in our year since the last carols were sung and Christmas cake eaten. Also - and especially hard for me right now - what will we be doing next Christmas?

So although I have planned to remain with Christmas throughout the twelve holy days and nights, I will be secretly glad to move on into the new year and all that it may bring!

However this was Forest's second Christmas and he has enjoyed himself immensely, so I would like to post some photos of this special time in the life of a child.

The little beetle helping with the baking on Christmas eve:

Christmas tree under siege:

A small boy and his mama on Christmas morning:

Our now complete nativity scene:

Return of the bees

2010-12-22T13:25:00.004+11:00

Summer Solstice! We have had such wintry weather for the last week - even using our wood fire a couple of times as it got so chilly. So much rain - I have never seen it like this. But boy did we need that rain. I am wondering on this sudden shift in the weather?

So for me it has been a welcome cold spell, reminding me of Christmas in my country of origin - England. However, I am trying to work with the festivals in a different way in our opposites climate, so I do need to let go of my 'white Christmas' ideals!

Today the sun has returned just in time to make the solstice seem like a reality. It is warm today rather than hot, but the sky is beautifully blue with not a cloud in sight.

Summer sounds I am loving right now: the steady hum of cicadas outside, the distant engine of a light plane overhead, happy birds outside our window, and bees buzzing. Yes bees! I have not seen honey bees for a long time and had feared that the international bee crisis had hit us. But in the last few days there has been a flurry of bee activity around the chestnut blossoms. On our daily walk Forest and I have stood under the canopy of these now shady trees, surrounded by humming bees. Lovely!

Baby Blue Boy

2010-12-21T13:13:00.006+11:00

I finally finished making my first ever doll, and I am so very happy with the result. It is exactly the cuddly snuggly baby blue boy that I had envisaged Forest with.

We celebrated the final Advent Sunday with the lighting of the fourth candle and the adding of our wooden figures to the Advent table. I have really enjoyed the way this ritual has built softly from that first Sunday. Now everything seems very grand and festive, but there is a deepness to it all that I had not encountered before, and I feel that this gradual layering of meaning to the season by using such tools as the wreath and the honouring of the different elements of nature (i.e. mineral, plant, animal, man), has brought this richness.

We added our final decorations to our willow branch - some lovely glass angels.

Now as Christmas approaches I hope to spend some days with Forest at home as it has been very busy for the last few weeks and I think F is already getting overwhelmed(although very excited too!) by the somewhat frantic energy that pervades in the world around us.

Forgiveness

2010-12-17T19:48:00.003+11:00

The quality that I have been consciously cultivating this month is forgiveness. I have a huge 'forgiving' hurdle in my life right now and I know that it does not serve anyone to hold onto bitterness. By choosing not to forgive we only hurt ourselves and those we love. That is not to say that emotions should be repressed nor grievances aired, but it is that holding onto the perception of other as enemy that is so damaging to ourselves.

When I think of these qualities that I am trying to imbibe into my being and role model to Forest I can see why they are so very important for living a good life. So far we have worked with gratitude, flexibility, authenticity, presence, and perseverance. These qualities can become like weapons to be lovingly drawn at appropriate times of both battle and peace.

Forgiveness is so important. We seem to spend much time blaming and judging. But perhaps the most negative judgment is of ourselves. And so forgiveness to self is also something that I hold close to me during this month.

Advent spirit

2010-12-16T19:48:00.004+11:00

So we lit our third advent candle on Sunday in honour of the animal kingdom, and added our animal friends into the nativity scene. We were also the lucky recipients of a Christmas tree, given with much kindness by dear friends. I have been gradually decorating the tree over the week - Forest is in total awe of it and just keeps pointing and saying his 'pretty, pretty, pretty' over and over again.

Here is our tree and the willow branch now with birch hearts added:

So the house is looking very festive and I feel the steady creeping of advent spirit into my heart for the first time since childhood. To me the evergreen Christmas tree is a symbol of that eternal, unchanging inner nature hidden within each of us. I love that the tree will be sitting beautifully in our home for some weeks as a constant reminder of this.

I have been listening to carols and being reminded of the Christmas story by the lyrics. And it is such a lovely story - I had forgotten in the whirlwind of adult life pre-children. The story of a Prince of Peace arriving into a troubled world. But now that I have become a mother that story really chokes me as I consider the position of Mary - birthing in a stable, with threats upon her newborn beloved. Yes - I feel a very heart-opening opportunity building as advent creeps ever closer to Christmas day.

This week has had me pondering the importance of the liturgical festivals in our year, whether we are Christian or not. Most of these festivals have brought pre-Christian nature celebrations along intertwined with them, so there is much for all to embrace during these holy-day times. Living in this culture that has been framed by the church, I start to see how our spiritual life can be nurtured as we move through the year and its ebb and flow of special observances. Especially how this supports children and living in family life.

A bed for Forest

2010-12-10T19:45:00.005+11:00

I love co-sleeping with Forest now that he is sleeping so much better. Yes - for the last six weeks things have changed and I am having the co-sleeping relationship that I'd imagined during pregnancy. We snuggle and cuddle and stir a little together, but in general, nighttime is now about sleeping and not about torture!

How did this transformation come about? I am convinced of the power of the amber necklace for teething relief. Also good, sincere (although somewhat desperate!) prayer.

So I have been researching and considering creating Forest his own sleeping space right next to mine. Just for his daytime nap and to start the night before he stirs for the first time and comes in with me. I decided to save up and buy him an organic wool mattress that will hopefully see him throughout his childhood if it is well looked after. Some people warned me off the futon style mattress, but most futons are made of cotton and not wool, which behaves very differently. The mattress arrived a couple of days ago and it is fantastic. I spent a night on it just to see how comfy it was and I think I have never felt so nurtured and supported in my sleep. It is somehow soft and cuddly, yet also firm and supportive. I have a feeling there is a whole energetic component to sleeping on natural fibre - a kind of 'rightness' to sleeping how nature intended. And, of course, no toxins.

It was expensive, but so worth it. However, that meant a very tight budget for the bed frame. But even that has worked out perfectly. I found my dream children's bed on ebay for a song. It is the cosy-est little bed and Forest (and the cat I might add)loves it.

Another candle

2010-12-07T19:51:00.004+11:00

On Sunday we lit the second Advent candle on our wreath in honour of the plant kingdom. This is such a lovely tradition that is new to me. Here it is with the newly collected pine cones in the centre.

I enjoyed setting up the Advent table once Forest went to bed. The stable I made from the beautiful long strips of bark that the gum trees shed. They do this to attract fire. Yes, they like bush fires these Australian giants.

Then I gave the stable a mossy little roof. It looked so charming and sweet! I had been looking at all of these expensive nativity sets, and now I am so glad that we did the handmade and free stable instead. It is even nicer, and totally unique. I finished off our plant kingdom with some native bottle brush blooms and a few pine cones.

On the willow branch above, we now have some gorgeous wooden doves.

When Forest came down the next morning he was very excited to see the new developments. Lots of pointing and admiring 'Oh's. It is so much fun having Christmas with a babe.

Plant life...

2010-12-05T12:26:00.006+11:00

I was thinking yesterday how the plant life around here is most colourful during spring. By summer all the blossoms have fallen and apart from a few vibrant native flowers, not much vivid colour takes their place. We come into the subtle range of shades of an Australian summer - variations of yellow and green. In recent years the yellow has taken over, merging into the brown dryness of a drought stricken land. But this year everything is super green - we have had soooo much blessed rain. Although the threat of bushfire will still be here, it is a relief to know that our often tinderbox dry forest is now damp and green and therefore not the catastrophe waiting to happen that it can be.

The plant life around home is always changing every day, and I find that since writing this blog I am becoming much more observant of the landscape that I had thought was so familiar to me. This week the chestnut trees began to put out their tendrils that must be them preparing to make the nuts I think. Only one tree has begun, and it is as if she has put on all her finery for the festive season!

Yesterday while walking with Forest's grandmother around the property I stopped at a tree that is visible from the house and noticed for the first time that it had fruit all over it! Surely it has not done this before? Grandma Lulu assured me that they are loquats - a Chinese fruit. How exciting - they are not quite ripe yet, so I must keep an eye on them before the birds get them all.

Last week Forest and I drove a little way up the mountain and visited the beautiful, lonely Pirianda Gardens. I say lonely, because on the only two occasions that I have been there we have had the whole garden to ourselves. I am not sure why this is as they are totally lovely, but I hope it stays that way for our future visits!

Anyway - last year we found some gorgeous pine cones here for Christmas decor, and I hoped to gather more this year. I was not disappointed. It was just perfect with my little helper under the shade of the giant firs gathering their lovely cones from the earth beneath. Forest is in a stage of loving to move small items from one basket and then back. Forward and back, forward and back - this makes him very happy. So the pine cone collecting was a big hit with him! I have used some for inside my advent wreath, a few for the plant theme on this weeks advent table, and a nice bowl full left over for Forest to transfer and post around the house!

Because the gardens are at a slightly higher altitude than our home the plant life there is a few weeks behind. So all the blossoms there are only just falling, carpeting the paths with their bounty. I really love these gardens.

Welcome Summer!

2010-12-04T11:59:00.005+11:00

Summer is definitely upon us with its long, hot days and balmy nights. In the last week the weather has been somewhat tropical - humid and close atmosphere and then a huge thunder storm each afternoon. I find the humidity draining, and despite my best intentions to embrace summer this year, I must admit that I struggle on these hot days! But I do absolutely love the summer storms.

Somehow it has happened that Forest and I have been out during each one - having to pull over in the car because the roads became flooded so very quickly and visibility was zero such was the intensity of the downpour. We were walking outside during one storm and it was so delicious to be drenched and literally steaming as the torrent of water cooled us down from the midday heat. These storms are a new experience for Forest.

Yesterday we were lucky enough to view one from the cosyness of home. Suddenly everything went dark and then moments later the thunder boomed and the heavens opened. The rain was incredibly loud, and F took up position at the window to watch the pelting drops and overflowing gutters.

Afterward I drink in the momentary coolness and fresh delightful smell of wet eucalyptus. Pretty soon the sun is shining again. This monsoonal onslaught is not typical weather for this part of Australia so I will try to enjoy its wildness while it lasts.

My first Advent

2010-11-30T19:19:00.006+11:00

This is the first year that I have really thought about the opportunities that the advent festivity holds. Although Forest is still very young, I decided to honour this time of building-up towards Christmas in a few small ways.

Here in the southern hemisphere advent is not a time of a 'light in the darkness', and it is not a countdown until winter solstice and a return to the light. In Australia we need to find different ways to weave the deeper layers of the festivals into our lives. We are coming into summer, and the end of advent will herald the summer solstice and the celebration of Christmas.

I decided to make an advent wreath with the help of our lovely big fir tree. With its four beeswax candles and red ribbons it has brought instant warmth and a taste of things to come. Forest is very happy with having a candle at dinner again, as we have not been doing this since the evenings became light.

So on Sunday we lit our first candle in honour of the mineral world. I really like this idea of celebrating the different aspects of the natural world on each advent Sunday. This is a way that in the southern hemisphere we can tie the festival in with the nature that surrounds us. So I said goodbye to our Spring table and set up my first attempt at an advent table. It has started very simply, and I have added just a few pretty stones and crystals.

The willow branch now has a couple of wooden stars hanging from its tendrils. I feel really excited to add to this each week!

Forest came down the next morning and was very surprised when he saw the wreath and the table. He just kept pointing and using his favourite new word over and over again: "Pretty, pretty, pretty, pretty." He is very forgiving of his mamas new-ness to all this crafting and making! Encouragingly, he is a fan of my work!

Money is very tight for me this Christmas, and so I am forced to think a little more creatively about it being a 'rich' experience in other ways. I would love to become a little more 'hand-made' with Christmas each year that passes - and with hopefully more skills to use as I learn a little by little how to knit and sew. This year I have been working on Forest's first doll as his Christmas gift. This little boy doll is nearly complete - just needs his cap and face sewn on:

I decided not to give him any hair as I think a very nice, simple, unformed doll will be best for F right now.

I have enjoyed the process of learning and making it so very much. It may not be technically perfect, but there surely is a lot of love stitched into that little doll for my favourite boy.

Perseverance

2010-11-20T19:44:00.004+11:00

I am a little late in mentioning my theme for this month. The qualities that I have worked with so far have been: gratitude, flexibility, authenticity, and presence. Each month I have tried to consciously work with the quality in order to embody it more fully in my own life, and therefore hopefully be a better role model to Forest as he grows. As the months go past I definitely see that each quality has touched my life in a small but lasting way. I find myself falling back onto their solid ideals when times are a little tough. Which brings me to this months theme of perseverance.

Life has thrown a lot at me recently. Relationship breakdown, single motherhood, sleep deprivation, sickness. As I reached my lowest point I finally felt the surrender kick in. Due to all of the above I was lucky enough to have a few days of rest and time to really ponder what I needed to do to not just 'get through' all of this, but how to come out thriving and in position to be a good mother to Forest.

The answer to my pondering was that I must come back to nurturing my own inner life. So I made a pledge that I would bring regularity back to my yoga practice. No matter how tired, busy, stressed, I pledged to find time every single day to do some kind of practice. I needed to be flexible, of course. But even if I was lying in bed sick, I could find five minutes to mentally chant mantra, for example.

Doing this has helped - enormously. I feel the inner guidance returning and helping me make the right decisions that lead to a more synchronistic life. I return to centre more easily after being challenged, feel healthier and happier - and have so much more insight to my parenting and my own needs. However, it is amazing the procrastination that can sometimes accompany this small amount of daily spiritual nurture!

So I have chosen this quality of perseverance to help me keep this pledge from folding. Regularity in yoga is so important. Far better five minutes every day, than days of great practice feats followed by nothing. As I have always been a kind of all or nothing type I have in the past been challenged by this need for regularity.

Now is the time to get real. If I want to continue to grow, and if I want to be the best possible mother I can, then I must keep plugging away at spiritual life. Perseverance is required. This is such an important quality and for now it is holding me answerable to my own laziness.

Pilgrimage

2010-11-16T19:22:00.004+11:00

Monday nights are my evening off. I usually go to my doll-making class, but it was canceled last night and as I had been feeling a calling to visit Forest's tree I decided to take myself out on an evening walk.

Dusk was falling as I entered this magical part of the Dandenong Ranges forest - a short drive from where we live. There is a very special and potent energy here unlike any other that I have encountered in these hills. A stillness - a pregnant richness. My heart feels full here and my mind peaceful.

As I walk I encounter the evening creatures. Birds roosting and a black wallaby crosses my path. It was a grey kangaroo who appeared here over a year ago, lounging in the sunlight, who showed me that this was the place to hold Forest's naming day with our family and friends. I wondered if another animal would appear tonight to confirm my intuition for coming here. The wallaby watched me for some moments as we stared into each others eyes, and then bounded away into the undergrowth.

After about a ten minute walk I neared the clearing and Forest's tree. The grass had grown long around it and I waded through to reach this humble giant that I love so much. It was very moving being there alone in the evening in this place of power that means so very much to me. This is the tree where Forest's own 'tree of life' is buried, and I had not visited since that occasion. I checked out the burial site and it was undisturbed as we had left it. The sense of my beautiful son being somehow a part of this magnificent old tree was strong. I sat there and meditated and prayed for guidance regarding Forest's life. There was such a loving energy here, and I felt embraced in its warmth.

I am so grateful for this experience and for this place.

The Sunday Vibe

2010-11-14T12:17:00.007+11:00

Friday's heat has very quickly dissipated into a couple of wintry days. That's Melbourne for you. I had pulled the fans out of storage to circulate air, and then the very next day I have the heaters back out again! On Friday Forest went for his nature walk with hat, sunscreen and sandals. On Saturday I had him bundled into his rain jacket and hood for our little walk! Yes - it's bizarre but normal for our corner of the world.

Anyway - it got me thinking that true summer was not that far off so I spent yesterday sorting through all Forest's clothes. Exchanging the heavy winter woolens for lighter cottons and summer clothes. I like this ritual of packing away the winter gear and unfolding the clothes for the next season. These little tasks when done with mindfulness can bring much quality and flow to a simple life. As I carefully place each summer item in his chest of drawers I somehow welcome in the new season, and likewise bid farewell to the previous as woolens are stored ready for when the wheel of the year clicks once more into coolness and dark.

Today is Sunday and for the last two weeks I have been trying to honour this as a true day of rest. The 'Little House' books that I have read for the first time recently got me thinking about Sundays. For a long time in our history this holy day was a total down tools kind of experience. Apart from church, and essential home chores, they had rest. Now I appreciate that this was somewhat torturous for the little girls in the book as they were not even allowed to play, but it got me thinking that we do need to give ourselves permission to have a regular time in the week that is quiet and peaceful. Without expectation for any output in the way of ticking things off the to do list. A time to just be, contemplating the week that has been and the one to come. Time to enjoy the fruits of our labours - in my case, to revel in the home that I am creating, the nature around us, and in the small boy I share my life with. I also do like the idea of Sunday as a day to consciously cultivate and renew our spiritual aspirations - whatever path that may be for each individual or family.

So for the past two Sundays, Forest and I have just enjoyed being together - and it has been wonderful. We have played, sung, laughed, snuggled up on the bed, looked through his picture books, lazed on the verrandah, and wandered through the garden hand in hand.

These Sundays have had such a rejuvenative quality to them. There is also that feeling of special time out from the usual energy of day to day life. Of course, there has been cooking and pets to care for, enough housework to keep things functional and even a little bit of relaxed knitting, but apart from that only rest and play. I hope that we can keep honouring Sundays in this way.

Outside today Forest played beneath the chestnut trees. Only a few weeks ago their branches were completely bare, but now they are full of green once again.

I can see these trees from the house, and over the passage of years that I have lived in this little forest shack they have become markers to me of life's ebb and flow. The breathing in and out of seasons, of our Mother Earth. Now, in our part of the world, she breathes her long out-breath into the start of summers lushness. F enjoyed himself so much sitting in the long grass beneath the shady green:

From my window...

2010-11-12T19:43:00.004+11:00

From my window I watch with thanks as solid evening rain breaks the intensity of a hot day. It is dim outside and the rain is really pouring down. I love the sound it makes on our tin roof. The windows are flung wide open inviting this cool change inside my stuffy hot house. Distant thunder bellows and cockatoos squawk. I really don't like the very hot weather, but it is wonderful because of the amazing scope for feeling contrast and relief when the heat breaks in such dramatic fashion.

I am so not ready for spring to be done with us, but today was a little sampler of the summer that is very nearly upon us. It was only thirty two degrees, so I know it's going to get a whole lot hotter - sigh..... Must get back to my plan to embrace this summer vibe.

We did spend some time outdoors today, but when it starts to heat up like this the sun can be so strong that I worry about the little beetle getting burned, and so a lot of today was spent indoors with windows shut and curtains drawn to keep out the heat. The poor cats were lounged flat to the the floor. Forest enjoyed being clothing and nappy free for a change.

Outside the buttercups were blooming across the rippling spring grasses, summer insects buzzed busily around, grasshoppers were springing through the air and the little creek trickled quietly along beneath the creaking sound that the gum trees like to make on a hot day.

From my window now the rain eases off and night is falling. The house feels fresh and cool. The birds are singing their last goodnights to one another. I will also say goodnight and go to join my sleeping babe.

Catching the sunlight

2010-11-09T20:02:00.003+11:00

Life has taken me on an interesting journey since my last post. I became quite unwell, and it was from this enforced rest period that insights began to emerge. Life can become so busy that you lose touch with your own inner guiding voice. Having to stay home and just 'be' for a while reminded me of this. Although I was sick, I reconnected with this guiding voice of mine. I have returned to my yoga practices and even though these consist of only short moments of chanting, meditation or prayer, these things are helping that little voice to come through and lead me from the heart. Life feels very good right now. Forest has also been affected by this return to a more disciplined and balanced mama. He seems relieved and relaxed. This reminds me of how strongly connected he and I still are. I realise that it is the nature of things that I will make mistakes and he will see my human-ness, but it is now glaringly obvious to me that if I neglect my own spiritual path and inner journey too much, both of us will suffer.

We have been spending a lot of time outdoors now that the summer energy has really kicked in. I have finally baby-proofed our verrandah, and we both love hanging out there in the shade on a warm afternoon. Forest is totally occupied with sweeping and laundry 'duties' when we are out here, and I find myself so very relaxed, watching this boy with utter joy, surrounded by the soft sounds of nature.

I feel the need to be around beauty at the moment, and because we are spending so much time outside I have been putting a lot of energy into creating beauty on our doorstep. Of course, we have the whole forest right there - but I am seeing in my mind, little pots of lavender appearing at the windows and wafting their lovely fragrance through the house. Brightly coloured birds landing on the verrandah. Wind chimes gently swaying and tinkling in the summer breeze. I am seeing hanging baskets over-flowing with purples and pinks and reds. Among this is a little boy happily playing in his sand pit or paddling pool, while the mama luxuriates nearby with a book. Yes - my summer is shaping up quite nicely.

I must confess that it is my least favourite season as it gets soooo hot around here. But this year I want to embrace the summer energy fully. I want to create shady spots with hazy vistas to sit in and stare at in stupefied wonder when the heat really cranks up. I have just been reading about how summer is the equivalent of the mother/father phase of our life. It is the blossoming and fullness of the year. It is a time for busyness and doing. Parties and midsummer fairies and seeing friends and extroversion. A time for carrying out the plans laid down in the cooler months. This year I am really feeling this vibe and I am ready to be swept along in summers dance.

In the last few days the morning sunlight has come streaming through the bedroom windows as if cast out from a magic wand. It reminds me of my grandparents house that we would visit every summer as children. My memory is of their crystal door handles and the prism effect they had when the sun rays bounced all the colours of the rainbows onto the wooden floors. I have a vivid sense of the wonder I felt at what seemed like total magic to me when I would watch the shimmering coloured lights. I remember this as I watch Forest on our sunny morning trying to catch the sunlight in his chubby little toddler fingers.

Cup Day

2010-11-02T19:33:00.005+11:00

I think we must be the only country that takes a public holiday for a horse race? Yes - today is the Melbourne Cup holiday in this part of the world. I am not at all involved in these festivities, but did have some time off from mothering this afternoon to go to our local cinema to see the movie 'Eat, Pray, Love'. I had really enjoyed reading the book some years ago. The movie was OK - very difficult to cover so much ground in one movie. But it got me thinking again about cultivating balance in life.

We had this little visitor to the garden today. She is an echidna, one of the two monotremes that live in Australia. Monotremes are mammals who lay eggs - the other being the platypus. So they are very unusual sort of beings. If this little one is a girl, she will lay eggs, hatch them out, and then go on to suckle her young with milk. Amazing this nature! Forest really enjoyed watching her amble around outside, scratching around in the dirt for insects and worms. She wasn't worried by our presence at all.

Spring's Peak

2010-11-01T19:38:00.009+11:00

Yesterday although everyone was busy celebrating Halloween, I was sparing a though for what we really should be celebrating down here in the southern lands - the next click in our earth's journey around the sun - Beltane. This is the traditional old May Day eve of the northern hemisphere and highlights the peak of spring. Unfortunately a planned picnic with friends had to be canceled due to ill health, so I just spent some time quietly contemplating what this day symbolises for me. Beltane was traditionally a time to revel in ones fertility.

Now that I have more understanding of the enormity of this creative power, I am awed by my body's potential to grow another human being. Today I relished this part of my existence as a woman of child-bearing age. I gave thanks for the 'mother' phase of the journey. Of course, the idea of fertility and growth is not just to be harnessed for the physical aspects of our being, and can be used at all ages and stages of life. But being a mother is where my life is totally at right now - physically, emotionally and spiritually.

We have had so much rain here of late that it certainly did not seem like the height of spring on this Beltane eve. But I am sure that there has been many a maypole dance performed with joy beneath rain and cloud in jolly olde England in times gone by. Anyway - I don't have any lovely spring pictures to post so here is a shot at my very first attempt at a seasonal nature table. It's very basic but looks quite pretty I think.

Forest is still too young to appreciate it, but I have started this lovely tradition for myself. I love the idea of bringing some of the outdoors inside, and it is so important to stay connected to what's happening in the seasons. Our table is in quite a prominent place in the home, and I have hung a magical willow branch above it. The branch is nature's artwork at its finest with the most elaborately curling tendrils creating spirals in the air. My plan is to decorate the branch seasonally, but I haven't quite got round to it for spring.

Struggling with health

2010-10-29T19:40:00.004+11:00

I have been out of action for the last couple of days because of a bout of mastitis. This is the first time I have ever suffered from this painful breastfeeding ailment. I guess I finally allowed myself to get run down enough to let it take a hold. I think I am on the mend now, but have really been physically wiped out by the experience.

My treatment regime as advised by the wonderful Aviva in her natural post-natal book has been as follows: drinking a tall glass of room temp water every waking hour, dosing three times daily on echinacea tincture, three times daily with vitamin C, potato poultice, hot water and massaging the blockage, letting Forest feed as much as possible and then hand expressing when that was too painful.

Dom has looked after F the whole last two days, and so I have actually been able to rest in a way that I haven't done once since becoming a mother. I really think that hitting this hard with the natural stuff has kept me out of the doctors hands. But I will continue to dose myself until it is well and truly gone.

On a lighter note I bought the little beetle a water play table last week to encourage more outdoors play now that the weather is warming up. It is plastic and gaudy, but Forest loves it. I have been tidying up our carport in recent weeks to turn it into a little children's garden - outdoor play area. We have nowhere fenced on the property which is wonderful in its spacious freedom, but hard to just let Forest run wild without being two steps behind him as there are so many dangers around here. He desperately wants to be outside, and cries when I bring him in, so I hope that this little play area will at least allow him to be enjoying the fresh air for a good amount of time every day. I also have a sandpit on its way. A few pics of him enjoying his water play:

Dolls and other things

2010-10-26T19:39:00.006+11:00

My doll making classes began last night. How novel it was to be leaving the house in the evening! I have not had much alone time since Forest was born and it felt absolutely decadent to be driving along down the winding country lanes alone and free for a few short hours! The energy of the evening in these places that I know so well by day was totally different - quite magical on such a fragrant spring day.

The class was a real joy. To sit with a group of like-minded women, sewing, creating and sharing our stories was so lovely. It felt luxurious to be able to be fully present to what someone was saying, without always having half an eye and ear open for a mischievous toddler. Also - to speak with presence for the very same reason. It was nice! It made me think about the 'presence' project that I have underway for the month of October. I think that being a mother demands a different kind of presence, because you just have to have your attention spanning more than one thing most of the time. I guess it's still a question of doing this as mindfully as possible.

Of course, most of the talk was about our babes and their deliciousness! I love that all of these tales are being woven into the little person that this doll will hopefully become for Forest. Here is the beginnings of his head:

The very best thing of all though, was returning to a warm, cuddly boy, curling up with him and drifting off to sleep full of happiness.

From my window...

2010-10-26T19:32:00.003+11:00

From my window right now I can see the little black bunny softly nibbling away in the clearing near the chestnut trees. I wonder - is this always the same little fellow that I am coming to know bounding around the house? From my window there are a few ordinary grey bunnies having their evening snack.

The dim light of evening descends, the birds are making their final voices heard for the day. A dog barks in the distance, but otherwise all is quiet. I see barely discernible movement in the gum trees as they move to a gentle breeze. My boy sleeps soundly upstairs and I sit awhile and ponder this beautiful spring evening.

Toddler joy

2010-10-24T19:44:00.005+11:00

This little beetle had a lovely time today out in the long grass.

The dandelions had grow their long white hair overnight.

Forest had lots of fun with them. First he just plucked the hair off with his fingers.

Next he tried eating them.

Finally, triumphantly, he learned to blow.

I remember just after he was born, walking with him wrapped close to my chest in the sling, and looking at the dandelions and imagining how one day I would be showing him these mysteries of nature and thinking how wondrous that would be. That time is now here and I find such spine tingling, heart glowing joy at his innocent explorations into the living world. Today we sat together and observed a fly buzzing at the window for quite some time. Forest was fascinated with this creature and I thought how I can so easily shrug off a pesky fly. But when I saw this being from Forest's perspective I saw the unique miracle that it truly is. How wonderful it would be if we could hold onto this child-like sense of truth despite maturing into adulthood.

In the latest post on 'The Parenting Passageway', Carrie gives the challenge to talk less to very young children - using rhyme and imaginative direction rather than constant requests and explanations. Too much talking bringing the young child into their intellect too quickly. This idea resonates strongly with me - I think this consciousness of childhood should be treated like a precious jewel.

Things have been a little better this week with Forest's sleep. After a few nights of rest I start to have more perspective on the situation, and am beginning to bring balance back into my life. I have enjoyed that little boy so very much this week. My parenting for the baby stage came very instinctively - I felt mostly confident. But oh my, this toddler stage is something else! There seem to be constant challenges. But it is also enthralling to be connected to this unfolding child. In the last few days he has melted my heart over and over with his actions toward me. Last night in the bath, he suddenly stood up and very purposefully walked to me, planting a a kiss on my lips and then hugged me so tight and patted my shoulders. A beautiful moment. I never, ever imagined what a love affair this mothering journey would be!

Growth

2010-10-21T19:29:00.006+11:00

After such a lot of rain and now two full days of beautiful warm sunshine, everything around here is blooming, growing, filling, expanding and coming into lush fullness.

The grasses in the paddocks are really high now and so rich and green - the lucky horses are very happy with this state of affairs!

On our nature walk today Forest and I indulged in running through the long grass. It was so lovely watching it ripple and dance in the sunny midday warmth as we plunged through knee deep among it. Being very careful for snakes - they love this kind of terrain, and are just waking up from their long winter nap which tends to make them at their grumpiest! It won't be long before midday walks are out of the question due to the heat, and we shall have to sneak out in the early morning for our daily strolls.

Our neighbour's horse was absolutely gleaming on this sunny day.

The chestnut trees are now erupting with green shoots.

We had these visitors today to Forest's feeder, much to his joy.

The only thing not blooming at the moment is me...... I am watching this delight of spring play out before me and I feel the building energy, but I cannot enter into it right now. My heart is so heavy with the sadness of separation from Forest's father that it is hard to rejoice in the natural wonders that surround me. But it is right that I should feel this way. There must be a grieving process. Eventually healing can come and life will go on. My concern is how to go through all of this with the minimum of disruption to a small person's life? Of course he picks up on all my tensions and worries now matter how I try to disguise them - such is the strong energetic connection that we still share. I need to meditate on these things I know. Perhaps if I could only get some sleep....!

Tired...

2010-10-18T19:51:00.003+11:00

I am tired. The kind of tired that would take months to recover from even if I was to start getting a full nights sleep on most nights. But I am not even waking five or six times a night - that would be great! I am mostly woken by a restless babe on and off all night every night. This has been for fifteen months now and my poor old body has really had enough! Anyway - Forest is a dream babe, but he has something going on within that gives him such restlessness at night. It is hard to know where to turn for help, especially now that I am mostly parenting alone at night.

Last night he developed a nasty cough that kept him awake until four a.m. Perhaps if I had had some sleep in the preceding nights this would not have been so hard to bear, but for me at this stage of sleep deficit it was absolute torture.

By the light of day things don't seem so bad, but I am coming to dread my 'night shift' each evening.

But I give thanks for this little one who even in the midst of his own sickness last night sat and patted me on the back to comfort my angst. He is just so incredibly sweet!

Today he was still off colour and super smoochy with it. His daddy enjoyed some great cuddling time:

Cabin fever

2010-10-15T19:30:00.006+11:00

Today - it rained, and it rained, and it rained, and is still raining now as I write this post in the early evening. We have gone without rain for so long in this part of the country - it has become such a feeling of celebration now when it actually rains. But for the last four months we have had a lot of rain and it is beautiful! The creek is gushing along - so full has it become today. Spring life is being wonderfully nurtured with the perfect balance of sun and water.

The rhododendrons looked lovely dripping with jewel like drops.

It was bucketing down so hard all day that Forest and I did not go out at all. I was plagued by cabin fever all day and really felt the need to be outdoors among nature.

My little bored toddler boy.

The Kings

2010-10-11T19:26:00.004+11:00

I am definitely in favour of parenting my son as close to how nature intended. Unfortunately I do not have a tribe around me that I can pass him to at any needy moment (at the moment I do not even have a partner for this most of the time!), so some lateral thinking was required. No TV babysitting for this boy. Introducing Forest's feeder!

I have resisted the urge to feed the wild birds around here as they become too dependant, and also fill up on food that may be seen as treat food rather than what they're really supposed to be eating. However, Forest loves his 'birrs' so much that I decided to get a feeder for them and have hung it up on our verrandah. My plan is to put just a little seed in now and then to lure them in! Forest can then sit at the living room window and birdwatch to his hearts content (while mama gets some things done around the house - or maybe even luxuriates with a cup of tea!)

We had our first visitors today, and I'm so glad that it was our beloved king parrots. These stunning birds are naturally curious about human goings on and often come down to peer in through the windows at us. They are also incredibly trusting and will sidle right up to you, even landing on your hand. Here is the handsome boy king checking out Forest's feeder.

Remembering

2010-10-10T19:33:00.005+11:00

With babe on back, I set out in the early morning to clear our little pet cemetery that has evolved down under the chestnut trees. Mist hung in the air and the cry of the currawong echoed around us. Horses grazed nearby and the rest of the world seemed to be sleeping in on this lazy Sunday, such was the quiet and still energy.

This was a beautiful task to practice presence on. As I knelt before each grave and weeded, cleared leaves and put any stray rocks back into place, I tried to accomplish these things with focus, while at the same time reflecting on the beloved animal friends who did grace our lives with theirs for a time. Strangely sad and happy feelings mingle - death and birth memories so good at drawing forth such depth of heart.

It felt good to be near these graves, good to honour the memory of lost pets, good to be out in the morning air with only Forest and the birds and horses for company. The chestnut trees are finally springing to life, with green shoots appearing only in the last two days. I love that my departed pet friends lay beneath these sturdy trees, their beings now in some way a part of the life cycle of the chestnuts as they bloom, fruit and fall.

This week in review

2010-10-09T19:54:00.006+11:00

This has been a tough week. The lovely balance and gentle rhythm of last week was followed with a week that became too busy. We spent a lot of time out, meaning that Forest had naps in the car instead of in bed. Most of this was out of our control - situations arose that had to be dealt with. So I tried to employ the quality of flexibility in order to bend to the needs of the now, while still trying the best I could to provide Forest with some kind of flow and balance to his days. It was OK. Not great - but OK. However, trying to bring presence into this kind of busy rushing around seems almost impossible. I settled for having awareness that presence was being lost. Through yoga I have learned that by witnessing the situations and having an awareness of what's going on- even if what's going on is not ideal - I can gradually begin to change my habits and come more fully into the now.

In amongst the rush, Forest had his first swimming lesson. After much thinking I decided to take him for one term at the ozone pool. There is still the chlorine which I really dislike, but it's not as strong as in non-ozone pools. I need to learn how to help Forest with his water confidence - especially important living in such an outdoors culture. Hopefully this will then lead to more natural water learning opportunities over summer.

Spring marches on and it is now the turn of the spectacular rhododendron bush outside our verrandah to bloom. Outside the rabbits have suddenly appeared and can be seen furiously nibbling away early morning and late afternoon. They are serious pests to the environment in this country, but I find them so cute to watch bouncing around, white tails bobbing. Quite a few of this years babies are black - some pet escapees addition to the gene pool no doubt.

Signing off with some shots of the little beetle's daredevil trike surfing antics.

Nature's warmth

2010-10-04T20:01:00.007+11:00

Spring's spell is bewitching this southern land in the last couple of days. It has been really warm - about 24 degrees(C). Yesterday Forest and I took our nature walk in the morning because of the expected temperature, but even at ten o'clock the sun's rays were dazzling and a little strong for a babe with no hat. This Aussie sun is seriously fierce. Even 24 degrees can give bad sunburn - much worse than 24 degrees in say, Europe. We can thank that great big hole in our poor ozone layer right overhead for that.

But wow, the different energy in the environment when the balmy weather picks up is amazing. Everything seems so fresh and full of promise. I feel a sense of excitement building. We have finally had a winter with plenty of rain after many years of drought, and now with this sun, everywhere is lush and green rather than the sad brown dryness that previous springs have been unable to undo.

Some photo's around our place on these lovely days.

The view through the forest to our lemon tree.

These little delights have suddenly sprung up all over the place.

I love the detail of this bark.

Evening's peace

2010-10-02T19:22:00.008+10:00

A warm, freshly bathed toddler is snuggled into my arms, the gentle tugging of his mouth on my breast soothing us both into sleepy quiet. The soft creak of the rocking chair as it lulls us both back and forth. In the cracks between the curtains I see dusk has fallen on our forest home. Outside the last cackles of the kookaburra are heard as they also settle themselves down for the night, and we hear the rustling on the roof of the night creatures as they begin their time of activity.

His eyes gradually droop lower and lower and I alternate between the sheer pleasure of gazing at his sweet little face, and leaning back with eyes closed drinking in the sounds of the night. This is a special time of day - a time I can be easily present to the moment.

Another part of this sleepy time ritual for me is to repeat to myself inwardly the Gabriel Group prayer, taken from Joan Salter's book, 'Your Incarnating Child':

Into my will,
let there pour strength.
Into my feeling,
let there flow warmth.
Into my thinking,
let there shine light.
That I may nurture this child,
with enlightened purpose.
Caring with heart's love,
and bringing wisdom
into all things.

I love the strength that these words give to my mothering. Like a mantra, when regularly repeated, they do have an effect on the consciousness. I have only just begun using it and am already finding it so very beneficial.

Now Forest lies asleep and I have quietly descended the stairs to begin this post. It has been such a wonderful day that I have much to write! We began the day with a visit to our local monthly market.

The path to the market.

Community, good friends, nature, home crafts, music - love this market day! The market is always a gauge for me to see Forest's development. He has been coming here since a tiny newborn, closeted away in his sling on mama's chest, totally inward and very unaware of his surroundings. Gradually over the months, each market he has expanded further and further outward. Today he was totally involved, running around, watching the balloon man and playing with his toddler friends. Here we have the little beetle enjoying some al fresco classical cello!

This afternoon, brother sun was shining down so bright and cheerful that we just had to be outside again, so I packed up my passenger onto my back and off we went on a trip down along the creek path to the neighbouring property where they have a nice roadside stall - we were in the market for some daffodils for our spring table.

It's funny - this creek path is right outside where I live, but I realise that it is some time since I have used it. I had forgotten how enchanting the little track is. Archways of ferns invite you to walk beneath them.

Look up and you will see their curling green fronds silhouetted against a blue, blue sky.

Look a long way up to the canopy of the majestic mountain ash. Some of these giants have come crashing down and created natural bridges across the creek.

Dappled sunlight filters through the layers of green to dance and shimmer on the trickling creek.

How nice it was strolling along here with my babe. How good to feel the warm sun on bare skin for the first time now that winter is really done with us.

I feel as though I really lived this day. If only I could take this sense of presence into all days and all things! It is easy when the sun is shining and peace prevails. Much harder during the stormier times of life! Moment to moment....

Baking Day

2010-10-01T19:48:00.008+10:00

Today was baking day around here, and I finally got around to using up some of the rhubarb from the garden in a yummy rhubarb and apple crumble. For the first time my helper participated in the baking day events. He was very, very good at moving flour from place to place, and even better at gobbling up all the snaky apple peelings as they curled down to him. Sooo cute to see him enjoying being involved with 'grown-up' work.

It is now time to let go of the month of 'authenticity' and move onto working with a new quality. Of course, the idea is to keep the ones already worked on active and developing - so far I have looked at: gratitude, flexibility and authenticity.

To recap - this project is in regards to the fourteen qualities that are of great importance in the lives of young children as given by the fantastic Steiner oriented Gabriel Conversation Group that I am lucky to be a part of.

So I spent some time today reflecting on which quality would be the most beneficial in our lives right now, and I decided on presence. I take this to mean being mindful and fully aware in all that you do, say or think. A big, big task! Another way I look at this quality is to try to inhabit each moment fully without clinging to past or grasping to future. At the moment this practice of coming back to the now is so important for my emotional well-being amidst the difficulties that I have recently been facing. I would love to make progress in this area. This is one of the greatest gifts that I could give to Forest - to learn to slow down and be present to life in this crazy, hurried world that we live in.

This practice of presence is ultimate yoga!

Our day...

2010-09-30T19:47:00.005+10:00

This little beetle (I have always called him this - I'm not sure why, it just seems to suit his busyness very well) has changed again in a day! He is actually helping to hang washing on the rack instead of taking it off. He is doing a lot of scary climbing, including using things to put next to tall objects so he can scale them more easily. He is keeping me on the edge of my nerves with his antics as they are quite wild and terrifying!

Today he shut his fingers in the hinge side of the bathroom door. The worse thing was that one of them remained trapped in there. It was a tough lesson in how quickly a toddler can get into trouble. I struggled to release the trapped finger without crushing it more, and was sure that it must be injured. But after it was released he was more worried about my distress the little love! I was shaking and upset - he comforted me by gently patting my face. Then went straight back to the door hinge and tried to shove his fingers in again!!

We have been listening to Bob Dylan in the evenings just before dinner and Forest absolutely adores this music. What good taste he has! I can put Bob on and the little beetle will dance non-stop. It is so beautiful watching his unique and joyful moves. The enthusiasm is priceless to witness.

Today on our nature walk we collected forget-me-nots, and made a bed for our little spring fairy girl.

Some notes on Forest..

2010-09-29T19:08:00.002+10:00

He is entering a whole new phase of consciousness. He is naming, naming, naming like crazy - although mostly everything is some variation on 'birr'. He is cuddling and kissing his teddy - carrying it around with him lovingly. He has learned to lie and relax when I tell him 'Rest your head now, rest your head'. Today when I bought him new wool slippers he was delighted with them as slippers, rather than any old interesting inanimate object. He tried to put them on his feet - this is all very exciting, milestone stuff for me!

He is so much a little boy now! I miss his babyness, but every month of his life that ticks by brings such beautiful change and growth that I love to watch unfold. I am happily smitten with my little toddler boy and have never felt more fulfilled than in this privileged role of mother.

Today was like battle of the seasons with one moment brilliant spring sunshine, the next torrential rain and greyness. In the end winter won out, and it was a really cold old day. My favourite moment of this day: one old wooden rocking chair, one tired mama, one sleeping boy in arms, window in front - watching rain tumbling gently down, listening to pitter-patter on tin roof, shiny, glistening, gum leaves outside.

A morning walk

2010-09-27T19:34:00.003+10:00

We enjoyed some early morning spring energy on a walk out from home. By mid-morning the winter vibe had set in and we were once again cranking the wood stove and staying warm indoors. That's Melbourne's famed 'four seasons in one day' for you!

Hooray!

2010-09-25T19:47:00.006+10:00

Hooray - George and Vinnie have returned! They share this property with us. A retired couple who spend half of every year traveling around Australia in their caravan. It is so good to have some company right now. Forest is also very happy because they bring with them three big, bouncy dogs for him to play with! With Forest on my back, Vin and I took a stroll around the property and found some gifts from the garden.

We have had a 20 degree centigrade sunny spring day. Our wood fire has had a day off for the first time in months. The windows were all opened wide to let in the gorgeous fresh balmy air. Wind chimes twinkled in the lightest of breezes. A great peacefulness has descended on this little woodland home after the tumultuous energy of the last couple of weeks.

The cats finally enjoyed some serious window lounging again.

We spent a lot of time outdoors gardening. I finally got to do some yoga while Forest napped - bliss. This evening I made a little fire just to take the chill off the night air. As dusk settled a spring shower came through and I took Forest in my arms out onto the verrandah to soak up the freshness. A good day.

Currawong day

2010-09-24T19:03:00.004+10:00

Finally the sun!

Forest and I spent a lot of time outside today in the fragrant warm spring air. I am on a mission getting my garden back into shape, so lots of pruning, raking and lugging of debris to the bonfire pile. It is so good to move outwards into physical work for me right now.

Today was a currawong day. There were so many of these crow-like birds darting from branch to branch of the tall eucalypts that stand witness around our home. Currawongs are black birds with a few white patches, and bright yellow eyes. I really love these intelligent and noble birds. Their lilting call is such a sound of place for me. I know that I could be anywhere in the world, but if I heard that sound it would instantly transport me to the sights, smells and total vibe of the Australian bush. There are two birds that seem to be a kind of totem for me. One is the black cockatoo, and the other is the currawong. When the currawongs come calling I feel it to be a signal that life is flowing exactly where it should. I really needed to feel this at the moment - thank you for visiting my dear bird friends.

Happy Spring!

2010-09-23T19:40:00.005+10:00

I feel much lighter today. Able to celebrate this next milestone in the wheel of the year - the spring equinox. Today we have equal day and night. As we move toward summer the daylight will continue to creep into the evening time. I had noticed since coming back from England that it has been so much lighter in the early mornings. We are early risers around here (and not just because of Forest!), so for much of the year I find myself up and about before the break of day. But at the moment Forest and I are only just stirring as we hear the morning bird song. There is something uniquely Australian to the many bird sounds here. It is loud this dawn chorus of ours. Squawking cockatoos, kookaburras laughing, the haunting call of the currawong, along with the many maestro's of the songbird world. I am loving those first moments of consciousness, with a warm little person snuggled beside me, surrounded by the sounds of nature starting a new day. As soon as Forest has rubbed his eyes a few times, he hears the songs and proudly exclaims 'birr!' He is just too sweet!

We honoured the equinox by reading about the Root Children.

We cooked a seasonal meal of asparagus risotto and mandarin cake.

We took a walk around our home and found these fern leaves ready to be born.

A birthday

2010-09-22T19:28:00.004+10:00

I have had a heavy heart on this anniversary of my birth. It is a really difficult time in my life. The weather has been grey for quite some days now, and although I normally revel in the cooler weather, at the moment I need the grace of spring sun to cheer up the sadness in my heart. Anyway, there is always some goodness to be found. My delight and joy is this little one - I am so happy that he was by my side for this my birth-day.

Op-Shop finds

2010-09-21T19:35:00.005+10:00

Emerald church shop had a sale on today, and I found some great treasures! This old book -

This sewing basket is perfect storage for a new project that I am starting in a few weeks - doll making classes -

I think that the pot is what you would call a crock. I don't know what I'll use this for - as a serving dish perhaps - but anyway, I love it!

The 'Birr' Boy

2010-09-20T19:19:00.006+10:00

Forest's obsession with the word 'bird', or as he puts it, 'birr', has been so sweet. We took him on this rainy, grey day to nearby Grant's picnic ground, where the local birrs like to hang out.

We said hello to the cheeky cockies.

We watched the galahs shelter from the drizzling rain.

I got to commune with my very favourite birr of the Aussie bush - the fluffy,endearingly cute kookaburra.

We saw the familiar bright reds and blues of the crimson rosellas (there are always many of these around our home).

This little one learned to run in his excitement of it all.

I know that Steiner placed a lot of emphasis on the goings on of teeth in these young ones. It does seem to me that each time Forest cuts a new tooth he undergoes a significant leap forward in development. At the moment he is busy cutting his first two molars and I note that he is suddenly changing in very obvious ways. There is the running, a lot of imitation is also going on. He is really trying hard with language, and started a new and somewhat off-putting style of scream today. I just find it so fascinating watching this new human being in training. I feel so privileged to share in the unfolding of a life.

Gardening...

2010-09-19T12:25:00.006+10:00

It has been a return to winter around here for the last couple of days. I kind of like it as home is so cosy on these rainy, cold days. But Forest and I really needed to blow the cobwebs from our minds with some fresh air, so this morning I bundled him into the stroller and set out to tidy up the side and front garden beds. We don't have much of a garden (but a rather wonderful forest on our doorstep!), but I'd noticed that the little that we do have has been looking a bit shabby of late. I weeded and gave everything a good pruning. The tree ferns were given their annual haircut.

It was even more fun having my special little helper by my side.

It was so lovely to be outside and industrious. We are surrounded by much beauty in our little hill home. The tall trees that have been my trusty neighbours - they have witnessed many different phases of my life. They were present for the birth of my lovely babe. Today they played host to the spring goings on of sulphur crested cockatoos. I am sure that there is a nest in the big hollow of a high gumtree branch, that can be seen from the living room window. Forest enjoyed watching the beating of snow white wings and hearing their screeching cries as they called out to one another.

Sadness

2010-09-18T09:47:00.003+10:00

As the theme for this month is 'authenticity', I have felt unable to post for the last week without feeling like a fraud as there are some very sad happenings going on in the lives of myself and Forest. I have debated over whether to keep this blog going, but it has been such an anchor for me to remember the simple beauty of our days that I really don't want to lose that.

So, if the blog is to be a record of this little families life, I must say something about whats been going on around here. Dominic, Forest's father, is moving out next week. I have moved from feeling utterly devastated about the situation to finally seeing a way that life can go on, and that Forest can still have the wonderful, secure childhood that I have dreamed of.

The theme still continues - a pledge from me to him to mother him with all my heart. I don't yet know what the future holds for me and Dom as a couple. But what I do know is that he will continue to be very active in Forest's life, and that no matter what happens we must remain firm friends.

I don't want to share my raw emotions in this space, but I just felt that there needed to be some mention of this huge upheaval in our lives.

BPA fears

2010-09-13T20:16:00.006+10:00

I wasn't going to post today, but then read Farmamas post about the BPA in food jar lids. I am really horrified about this. We think that we are living a reasonably healthy life, eating beautiful organic food etc, but it is a constant uphill battle to stay ahead of all the toxic rubbish that seems to be coming in from all angles in this crazy world. I don't want to become completely neurotic - that's also not healthy. But it's not just the obvious diseases that have been linked to these kind of poisons that worries me. It is the insidious and more subtle effects on our general consciousness, sense of well-being, and on our experience of humanity that troubles me most. People are not thinking clearly. They are expecting their governments to keep them safe from these things.

As for the BPA lids - we buy all sorts of supposed health foods that come in glass jars - but topped with these lids. Dom and I talked about Sara's post, and agreed that from now on, we will try to buy in bulk and straight into our own containers (we will look for some non-BPA jars). This is a timely change in our lives, as we move toward generating less waste.

I appreciate the clean mountain air, fresh rain water and quiet energy of our little hill home at the end of this spring day.

Spring happiness

2010-09-11T19:43:00.004+10:00

Spring is slowly creeping in and transforming this great southern land. I feel the energy shift into a time of activity and growth. It's warmer now, and nature beckons us to return to the outdoors for longer and longer with each passing day. The flashes of sun and blue, blue sky increase. There is a fragrance on the wind that carries the message of new life, as each tree and flower gradually buds and blooms. It is light now as we eat our evening meal - dusk, but not darkness anymore.

I love this tuning into nature's flow. It enriches my being and reminds me that we are also creatures of the land, and have for millenia followed these cycles. Of course, our lives depended on this knowledge - but these days we don't need this resonation with the natural world in order to survive. But surely life has lost so much meaning and beauty without it? We strive for the future pleasures that will never satisfy, and yet the bliss that we seek is right before us - carried on the wind, or by delicious rays of spring sunlight on skin that has been wrapped away all winter. It is the joy of new spring greens that are now craved by the palette after months without. It is watching the animals and birds around us bring forth their young, and being at one with this whole miraculous cycle that we are so very blessed to experience. It makes me sad that we have lost this fundamental connection.

So today in my tired state, I took time to observe the beauty surrounding our little forest home, to listen to the myriad bird sounds from our bedroom window, to snuggle up to a sleeping babe and listen to his precious heart beating while feeling the warmth of his sweet baby breath. Perhaps this simple daily acknowledgment of nature is a potent way to realign with authenticity?

Beating back the jet lag...

2010-09-10T19:35:00.005+10:00

It has been two days now of forcing poor Forest into a better sleep routine, and I really dislike doing it, but we have been at our wits end with the all night playing and then endless day sleeping. I think we may finally be getting there, as last night he slept quite well, then woke up at 4.30am completely awake, which is not too bad. During the day he only slept for two hours and we did not need to constantly prod him awake. Fingers crossed that things will continue to pick up and we can go back to living a life, rather than just surviving each sleep deprived day.

In between our episodes of sleep warfare I managed to:

Bake a sugarless figgy prune cake for afternoon tea.

Let Forest fall face first into the mud outside!

Self portrait with babe.

Take a quick stroll around the property and really see this blossoming tree for the first time. Standing beneath a canopy of soft pink petals, each branch a stunning work of art. It seemed wrong to disrupt it in any way, but I couldn't help but cut a few branches to take Spring indoors with me. Thank you beautiful generous tree.

Authenticity

2010-09-09T19:35:00.009+10:00

The first of the spring asparagus. The appearance of this beautiful offering from nature is always a strong signal to me that spring has arrived. We ate ours tonight steamed and then lightly buttered, with a squeeze of lemon juice - delicious!

I am a little late with my 'quality' project this month. We finished the practice of 'flexibility' at the end of August. This month I have chosen to work on 'authenticity'. I felt that this quality was the most pertinent to some problems I am having in my life right now.

To live a fully authentic life - I guess that this has been my quest for some years, and yet I find myself still peeling back layers and uncovering inconsistencies in my words, thoughts and actions. This quality is so very important and one that I would like to be brave enough to truly inhabit in my life wholeheartedly.

So this month I will consciously strive for greater authenticity in relation to myself, in my interaction with others, with my footprints on this earth, and to become connected to these truths by leading a more real and natural life. This will take a lot of slowing down, much more thinking and presence before speaking or acting and some genuine self reflection. I already feel a lightening of being as I embark on letting go of some of the luggage I've been holding onto recently.

Resilience

2010-09-08T18:38:00.007+10:00

Jet lag blues continue and I feel I may be going a little crazy with it all after ten days and still no sign of things normalising. But life must go on and I needed a break, so left Forest in Dom's care for the morning and attended the Gabriel conversation group. What an uplifting experience that always is.

This week Bettye discussed the quality of resilience. She told us about a recent university study - not based on anthroposophy, but very much supporting Steiner's ideas. This study researched which factors contribute toward a person having strong resilience. Why do some people cope with the stresses and traumas of life better than others? They concluded that resilience is not an inherited trait, but rather one depending on a number of factors during a person's childhood.

These factors are:
1. Having one stable carer during the preschool years. This does not have to be the mother necessarily, but the same person needs to provide consistency to the child.

2. An upbringing where authority is strongly used. That is to say that the parents provide strong boundaries, and are in control instead of offering too much choice to the young child. When the parents are strong in this they give the child great security.

3. Having good role models who practice what they preach. This is important because if the young child is constantly admonished for something (lets say hitting others), but they then observe their parents contradicting this (so, smacking them or their siblings), this really messes with the youngsters mind.

4. A childhood based on rhythm. Strong daily and weekly rhythms are very important, but also the seasonal and annual celebrations that mark the rhythmic cycle of life.

5. Having many positive school experiences is also essential, which highlights just how important it is to give thought to the school that you will send your child to.

I found this information to be fascinating, and came away with more ideas to put into place in my own family. We can definitely work on these factors to instill security in Forest so that one day he may have the inner strength to best cope with life's troubles, and have a great starting point for realising his own full potential. It also makes me look at my levels of resilience. I would certainly like to draw on some inner reserves to help get me through this no-sleep phase that we are currently doing battle with. It is tough, but then I look outside our window and see the last of the golden wattle blooming its wonderful green and gold glory in the forest, and I remember that everything has its season - and our current struggle? Yes - this too shall pass.

Emerald Lake in Spring

2010-09-06T17:28:00.007+10:00

We are experiencing a bit of jet lag craziness around here. Forest and I have now been back in Australia for a week and he still has his days and nights completely round the wrong way. I am really struggling with what to do. I try to keep him awake during the day, and wake him up if he sleeps too long - which, by the way is just awful - he is so miserable and I feel totally mean. However, no matter how determined I am in the day, he is still up for most of the night. Even when he does go to sleep at night he thinks that it's his nap and wakes after an hour.. A very big sigh from me on this issue. It took so much effort to get him into a good sleep routine and it now seems to be completely destroyed by traveling across the globe and back.

So this morning we took him to nearby Emerald Lake Park in our efforts to keep him up. It was a crisp, cold morning, and many of the European trees were still completely bare. But spring is definitely here for all to see - blossoms abound, daffodils bloom and sun shimmers across the lake top ripples. Birds are busy, busy, busy. I love the transition seasons of spring and autumn. They are a becoming. A time of preparation. In the case of spring it is an emergence into the extroversion of summer. The wheel of the year in its growth phase - ripe with opportunity. Our side of this beautiful planet breathes her out-breath toward the fullness of summer.

Happy Fathers Day Australia

2010-09-05T20:31:00.003+10:00

Today in this part of the world, we celebrate the important relationship of father and child. Happy Fathers Day Dominic...

Goodbye England!

2010-09-04T10:27:00.004+10:00

Unfortunately my parents computer was having problems so my posts from the northern hemisphere have been few and far between. Forest and I are now back home in Australia, but I thought that I would like to sum up our overseas adventure.

A long haul flight with toddler was braved, and I found Forest to be a wonderful travel companion despite the hard work that this journey entailed. He thought it was a great party and was a pleasure to be with.

A little boy grew up soooo much. He learned to:
-feed himself with a spoon
-say his first word - bird - and began his endearing obsession with these feathered friends
-collect and pour water in the bath

Forest increased his repertoire of dance moves to include some fairly complex hand gestures and a rather bewitching sideways glance of the eyes as he spins around and around and around.

We reconnected with family members that had not been seen for years. Forest met his two great grandmothers.

My mum and dad - Grandma Lynne and Grandad - got plenty of snuggle time with their only grandchild.

It was a good visit.

Here are some parting shots of the beautiful old town of Arundel, near my parents home on the south coast.

Old England

2010-08-27T04:27:00.004+10:00

We visited the Singleton Open Air Museum and enjoyed leaping into times past..

Wildflowers of summer

2010-08-26T04:34:00.004+10:00

I had forgotten how beautiful the hedgerows are with their blooms in an English summer. When the sun is shining it really is a green and pleasant land...

Summer in England is...

2010-08-18T05:08:00.004+10:00

This little boy running among the flowers in his grandparent's garden..

Blackberrying for early fruit........

We have spent our first week here sick - really sick - poor Forest has lost weight and had a very hard time with a gastro-intestinal virus. Both my mother and I have also had this mystery bug and it has been nasty. Hence the lack of posts. Caring for a babe in a different country with both of us ill has certainly been a good chance to practice flexibility.....

Summer in England is full of so much more, but this at least is a start.

Leaving today

2010-08-06T09:47:00.004+10:00

Goodbye Australia for a short while. Goodbye little home and cats and Dominic. Goodbye to the tall gum trees, blossoming wattle, chattering wood ducks and gurgling creek. We'll see you all again soon.

Neither here nor there

2010-08-05T19:47:00.004+10:00

We are in the grip of pre-travel jitters. Every time I embark on a big trip I endeavor to be super organised way in advance so that I can spend the preceding days resting and being serene! It never, ever happens that way no matter what! There are always last minute things to buy, phone calls to make, people to see - and, of course, all of the usual hustle and bustle of daily life with a young one to contend with.

There is also a sense of being in limbo. I find it very hard to be present in my life this close to a major departure. I am no longer really here in my home in the hills down under. And yet neither am I there in the land of my birth. We are in the no-mans land of in-betweeness, and I know that this feeling will be furthered by long haul plane travel.

Tomorrow Forest and I leave the daddy behind and set out on our own little adventure across the planet. Here is a parting shot from our lovely tree fern at home:

Op-Shop find

2010-08-04T19:27:00.007+10:00

Driving through the hills today and noticing that the awesome annual event of the golden wattle blossom is about to start. You can see them teetering on the edge of bursting into bloom. I am afraid that we will probably miss this spectacle that I so love each year, because in two days time we leave this winter-spring transition time, and head to the northern hemisphere to their late summer.

It is a strange and unnatural thing to do to yourself. To catapult through time zones and opposing seasons. It is no wonder that our cycles go to pieces when we engage in this kind of long haul travel. However, this is my reality. All of my family are in England and they need to meet Forest. I am excited about the trip, and also a little nervous about taking a toddler on such a long journey single handed. We are armed with all sorts of natural potions to help keep us well and minimally jet-lagged.

Also while out and about today I found this:

at our local church op-shop. This treasure house has only recently opened and is incredibly cheap. Every time I venture in there I make a fantastic find, and I am very happy with today's rustic cheeseboard.

The Little Things...

2010-08-03T20:24:00.008+10:00

I often forget to mention some of the little things about mothering that give such joy to my days.

I love how when I am holding Forest close while breast feeding, he will try to find a bare patch of my belly skin - and if he does - he strokes it gently with that baby soft palm of his.

I love how that golden hair of his is getting so long at the back now that it is starting to curl into the nape of his little neck.

I love trying to make him laugh with a wide enough mouth that I can catch a glimpse of those upper teeth that he won't let me check out. There is something so fun about those hidden teeth and the cheeky gap between the front two.

I love that he now spins & turns & stamps his feet to music.

Mothering is hard work but unbelievably rewarding. I am constantly mesmerised by all that this boy does. He is just way too sweet and I find myself hopelessly in love with him!

Imbolc

2010-08-02T10:58:00.003+10:00

We have been following the 'Wheel of the Year' in our quest to realign with the natural world. Today is Imbolc, one of the cross-quarter Sabbaths that comes between Winter Solstice and Spring Equinox. This festival has been celebrated in various ways by different cultures - Celtic, christian, Nordic - it marks the coming of spring.

In our southern hemisphere winter Imbolc is not the start of spring - it is still very much winter. But there is a distinct change in the energy that heralds the coming of warmer weather and longer days. The nights have been colder than ever in the last week, but there is an almost balmy feel at times during the day now, and more glimpses of sun and blue sky. Trees are just starting to bud and spring flowers to bloom.

On a personal level, Imbolc is the time to start to emerge from the introversion of winter. We can contemplate the plans made during the colder months and begin to plant the seeds that will grow and blossom throughout the year.

Today we searched for spring and found:

Our Imbolc menu:

Cauliflower Cheese Vol au Vents
Vegetarian Shepherds Pie
Sticky Date Pudding with Cream
Blue Cheese and Biscuits

From my window...

2010-08-01T09:35:00.009+10:00

Rain tumbling down in a world of dim light. Gum leaves glisten. Heavy droplets hang from the verrandah railings. Muddy, murky, cold day. Thick winter grass laden with raindrops. Even the wood ducks are quiet for a change - hiding in their tree hollows away from the storm that threatens. Occasional bursts of sun break through as the clouds part. Then lightening flashes and a huge thunderclap booms directly overhead. Love, love, love the cosyness of home on days of such wild weather.

Self portrait:

This month I have chosen to work on the quality of 'flexibility'. Because we will mostly be away from home and out of our routine, I felt that this was a prime opportunity to practice a more flexible approach.

Hmmmmm. Why is flexibility important? As a youngster I was ridiculously spontaneous, without being fully considerate of the consequences. When yoga became a big part of my life I became very disciplined in my daily routine and much more careful with my words and actions. Initially I found this discipline very liberating - because there was such order to my time I was able to lead a much more balanced and productive life.

However there was a point when that discipline became too rigid. If something came up to disrupt my routine I would feel cross and anxious. I was not flowing with all that life presented me and this was causing some friction within my being.

There is a middle way here that can be found. To me flexibility is all about flow. To be heading in a certain direction is fine. To have some structure is healthy and good. But learning to flow around and over the obstacles and diversions as they arrive is also critical. Otherwise we become stuck.

Since becoming a mother I have re-entered the flow again. Although rhythm is important to a child's life, strict routine is impossible! Developing the wisdom to see what needs to be done at any given moment is all part of flexibility and flow. That doing may be practical chores, giving love to friend or family, taking time to nurture self. It may be a doing that bends to the changing nature of the seasons, or the position of the sun or moon.

Flexibility allows an openness to what is, rather than an attachment to what you think should be.

My challenge is to balance the rhythm that I am trying to create in the home, and personal discipline with my yoga practice with a more spontaneous outlook on flowing with life.

I think that it will be a very interesting month. It is important to remember that a prime motivator for cultivating these qualities is that they are very important to the life of children, and modeling these behaviours as parents is a great gift for our little ones.